TikTok, the app that spawned a thousand viral dance challenges, is spawning a new challenge called Let’s Sue the Trump Administration—set to the tune of WAP, probably. In early August, Trump signed an executive order, his favorite activity after tweeting, that would make using TikTok illegal in the United States, arguing that because the social platform is owned by a Chinese company it’s dangerous and could be used to spread disinformation. TikTok’s parent company, ByteDance plans to challenge this executive order by suing the Trump administration, according to Vice. TikTok is, of course, the only social media platform that could be used for nefarious purposes—and stands in sharp contrast to American-born bastions of fair and reliable information, like Facebook and Twitter.
A spokesperson for TikTok told Vice that negotiations between the company and the administration had been ongoing for a year but Trump, who fancies himself the world’s greatest negotiator, was unable to come to terms. Several American companies have seized on the opportunity provided by this executive order and are offering to buy TikTok including Microsoft, Twitter, and Oracle, according to Vice.
If TikTok is willing to sell to appease a highly xenophobic executive order from a white supremacist president who also hates fun, the only fair way to choose a buyer is to pit the CEOs against each other in a TikTok dance battle to the death.
Also in Trump legal news, the president’s private business is being investigated by New York Attorney General Letitia James for, “allegedly misleading lenders by inflating the value of its assets,” according to the Washington Post. A filing from the attorney general’s office shows that they asking to speak to Eric Trump as part of the investigation, which started in February of last year after Michael Cohen’s congressional hearing. The investigation seeks to discover if Trump inflated his wealth to get potential lenders to work with him, which we common folk refer to as lying for money.
It is currently unclear whether an actual crime has occurred but wouldn’t it be an absolute treat if the current president who was impeached was also arrested for fraud? Who had that on their 2020 bingo card?
- Donald Trump’s second-favorite person Jared Kushner was reportedly in cahoots with Russia to get ventilators to the US and it turns out the ventilators were faulty. Papa-in-law will be very displeased to hear Kushner got caught being a fuck-up, again. [Business Insider]
- On the first day of the Republican National Convention, Trump spews bullshit about election rigging. [AP]
- Tiffany Trump is finally being invited to an event with the rest of her family and will be speaking at the RNC. Congrats, girl. [Politico]
- Joe Kennedy asks Ed Markey to stop being mean to him. [Twitter]
- Trump, forgetting he had a homework assignment due today, releases a nonsensical second term agenda which includes, “teach American exceptionalism” as a to-do item. [Twitter]
- Katie Porter slow roasts Postmaster General DeJoy in the way only Katie Porter can. [ABC News]