Nuns Support Themselves Selling Cheesecakes

Illustration for article titled Nuns Support Themselves Selling Cheesecakes

There’s not much money in a life of quiet contemplation, which is tough, because quiet contemplation while ConEd comes to turn off your electricity is challenging. Which is why some nuns in upstate New York sell cheesecake. Fancy cheesecake, billed as “heavenly,” in flavors like key lime and chocolate. Tasty, tasty cheesecake.


The AP visited the sisters of New Skete. There are five of them (the youngest being 64) and it turns out baking fits pretty nicely into their days. They’ve been doing it for years, too:

The roots of the cheesecake business here go back to 1969, when five Roman Catholic nuns from Indiana searched for a less cloistered life in a new monastery. They ended up in Cambridge near like-minded monks and began looking for ways to earn money.

They cleaned houses, worked at the local hospital and did upholstery work. One of the nuns, Sister Magdalene, had a talent for baking and in the mid ‘70s and tried selling cheesecakes to local restaurants.

The cheesecakes were such a hit they added a bakery in 1983.

They bake a couple of times a week; according to their website, the gap between morning and evening prayers gives just enough time for the cheesecakes to cool. Just a gang of nuns, hanging around, making cheesecakes. As you do. If you are a nun.


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Photo via AP Images.

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My dear, sweet brother Numsie!

When nuns are admitted to Heaven they go through a special gate and are expected to make one last confession before they become angels.

Several nuns are lined up at this gate waiting to be absolved of their last sins before they are made holy. “And so,” says St. Peter, “have you ever had any contact with a penis?” “Well,” says the first nun in line, “I did once just touch the tip of one with the tip of my finger.” “OK,” says St. Peter, “dip your finger in the holy water and pass on into heaven.”

The next nun admits, “Well, yes, I did once get carried away and I, you know, sort of massaged one a bit.” “OK,” says St. Peter, “rinse your hand in the holy water and pass on into heaven.”

Suddenly there is some jostling in the line and one of the nuns is trying to cut in front. “Well now, what’s going on here?” says St. Peter. “Well, your excellency,” says the nun who is trying to improve her position in line, “If I’m going to have to gargle that stuff, I want to do it before Sister Mary Thomas sticks her ass in it.”