Now They Go Too Far: Thanksgiving Turkey Cake

First they brought the tuducken, and we said nothing. They brought the cherpumple, and we said almost nothing. But now, we can be silent no longer in the face of the ultimate Thanksgiving abomination.

It’s a layer cake. The layers are made of turkey and stuffing. It’s frosted with mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes. The turkey, mind you, is ground, and mixed with instant oatmeal. And the coupe de grace is — wait for it — a topping of mini marshmallows.

Nero is fiddling, my friends. More to the point, he’s in the kitchen chowing down on a Bacon Explosion and playing Final Fantasy, stoned, having decided to stay at school for Thanksgiving break and cook with his housemates, one of whom thought this would be an awesome idea.

The only possible purpose I can see this serving is for prisoners on death-row who want to put their jailers to maximum inconvenience by requesting this cake, followed by cherpumple. Or would that qualify as cruel and unusual punishment?