Not All Sheros Wear Capes

The War on Christmas has a new hero. A shero, if you will.

Shelby Gash, a 24-year-old in Lenexa, Kansas, made a giant penis out of Christmas lights on her roof. “Sorry neighbors..I felt the need to make a giant dick on the roof ‘tis the season!” Gash wrote on Facebook.

I so appreciate this need. In these dark times, a glowing dick can bring so much joy.

“It’s a giant glowing dick,” Gash said in an interview with news station WDAF. “People think it’s hilarious. People are stopping in the middle of the night taking photos and laughing. People think it’s so much fun.”

This is the most benign Christmas story, and I wish she kept them up forever. Sadly, after four days, she took the lights down. “Sorry if this is really bothering people. I’m just trying to make a laugh,” she said.

She gave me a laugh!

In an incredibly normal move, the roof remained lined with rainbow lights, though. I already miss the Christmas lights penis. RIP Christmas lights penis.