Newt Gingrich Wants To Ditch Child Labor Laws, Put Kids Back To Work

If you believe that we need to create more jobs in this country, Newt Gingrich may be your candidate! Aside from bringing up warm memories of the Clinton era and not being Mitt Romney, Gingrich has a rock solid plan for ending poverty in this country: Simply fire school janitors and put children to work!

During a Q&A session at Harvard’s Kennedy School on Friday, Gingrich declared that our “child laws” are “truly stupid.” He explained:

“Most of these schools ought to get rid of the unionized janitors, have one master janitor and pay local students to take care of the school. The kids would actually do work, they would have cash, they would have pride in the schools, they’d begin the process of rising.”

That may sound pretty insane, but to be fair, the quote was taken out of context. Gingrich was actually referring to how we should help kids living in poverty. He said, “It is tragic what we do in the poorest neighborhoods, entrapping children in, first of all, child laws, which are truly stupid.” So calm down guys. We’re not talking about sending middle and upper class kids off to work, just the poor children.

You see, what’s wrong with this country isn’t that we’ve implemented policies that keep rich people rich and slashed funding to programs that help the underprivileged. That may be what the liberal media wants you to think, but the truth is that poor people are just lazy. Allow Newt to break things down:

“You go out and talk to people, as I do, you go out and talk to people who are really successful in one generation. They all started their first job between nine and 14 years of age. They all were either selling newspapers, going door to door, they were doing something, they were washing cars. They all learned how to make money at a very early age. What do we say to poor kids in poor neighborhoods? Don’t do it. Remember all that stuff about don’t get a hamburger flipping job? The worst possible advice you could give to poor children. Get any job that teaches you to show up on Monday. Get any job that teaches you to stay all day even if you are in a fight with your girlfriend. The whole process of making work worthwhile is central.”

Sure, turning poor kids into the most adorable janitorial crew ever is going to put some adults out of work, but don’t forget that janitors are part of a union and are thus evil. Keeping them employed really just means we’re taking jobs from innocent 9-year-olds who are eager to start cleaning toilets.

As president, Gingrich would do far more than ending child labor laws. (Actually, he calls them “child laws,” so maybe he’d get rid of those pesky child abuse laws too!) He promises that he has more “Extraordinarily radical proposals to fundamentally change the culture of poverty in America.” If Republicans want a candidate strong enough to take on the Democrats, they’ve found their man in Newt Gingrich. All the other candidates say they’ll undo President Obama’s policies, but only Gingrich is prepared to undo the work of every Democratic president of the past century.

Not An Onion Spoof: Newt Gingrich’s Education Plan Is To Fire Janitors And Replace Them With Kids [Mediaite]