Hillary Clintonâs campaign released a new ad on Friday, and Iâd hesitate to call it an âattack:â It simply sets Trumpâs own tossed-off misogyny to a montage of girls contemplating their reflections, mentally cataloging the self-critiques that theyâll likely carry with them for the rest of their lives.
Itâs funny that a man who closely resembles a bloated whale carcass on the cusp of exploding could ever justify slamming someone elseâs appearance, and of course these comments arenât even the most repellent heâs made. Anyway, because itâs no secret that Trump is a thin-skinned little weenie incensed by criticism, it seemed like a rewrite was in order.
âIâd look him right in that uncannily rectal face of his...â
âHeâs such an inept businessman he managed to tank a line of frozen steaks.â
âA person whose hair is made from 9 feet of spun fruit mold elaborately piled into a vultureâs nest on his unctuous scalp is very hard to be a 4.â
âDoes he have a good body? No. Is it the type of body that inspires artists to recreate as an act of horror-porn? That frightens away birds and kills the appetites of passersby? Absolutely.â
âDo his hands resemble the paws of a fetal rat?â
Youâre right, that was uncalled for. Trump, you look super normal and nothing is weird here at all.
Images via screen grab/The Tonight Show