New Very Effective Clinton Ad Is Just Trump Saying Disgusting Things About Women

Hillary Clinton’s campaign released a new ad on Friday, and I’d hesitate to call it an “attack:” It simply sets Trump’s own tossed-off misogyny to a montage of girls contemplating their reflections, mentally cataloging the self-critiques that they’ll likely carry with them for the rest of their lives.

It’s funny that a man who closely resembles a bloated whale carcass on the cusp of exploding could ever justify slamming someone else’s appearance, and of course these comments aren’t even the most repellent he’s made. Anyway, because it’s no secret that Trump is a thin-skinned little weenie incensed by criticism, it seemed like a rewrite was in order.

“I’d look him right in that uncannily rectal face of his...”

“He’s such an inept businessman he managed to tank a line of frozen steaks.”

“A person whose hair is made from 9 feet of spun fruit mold elaborately piled into a vulture’s nest on his unctuous scalp is very hard to be a 4.”

“Does he have a good body? No. Is it the type of body that inspires artists to recreate as an act of horror-porn? That frightens away birds and kills the appetites of passersby? Absolutely.”

“Do his hands resemble the paws of a fetal rat?”

You’re right, that was uncalled for. Trump, you look super normal and nothing is weird here at all.

Images via screen grab/The Tonight Show