Christmas music is like marital infidelity or multi-level marketing: People keep trying it, even though they shouldn’t, and getting away with it is hardly guaranteed. But the pop music machine keeps churning, and it’s that time of year, and so we have a fresh crop of attempts at timelessness that largely will not pan out. Up this year are new tracks from the likes of the Backstreet Boys, Sia, Alicia Keys, Camila Cabello, and Lindsay Lohan singing “Jingle Bell Rock”—again!
Notably, there’s also a large swath of new Christmas music from major artists like Lizzo and Kane Brown that is being released exclusively via Amazon Music, and as a result is not embeddable in full-length form, thus has not been reviewed here. Platform exclusives? That’s not in the spirit of giving! It is, however, in the spirit of capitalism, which means it’s perfectly Christmassy.
In this slideshow, we run down 10 new Christmas songs for ‘22 and their (completely subjective) chances of sticking around for years to come.