New Bones and Huge Testicles Tied Up With String, These Are a Few Of Incels' Favorite Things

By Hazel Cills | May 28, 2019 | 5:50pm

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New Bones and Huge Testicles Tied Up With String, These Are a Few Of Incels' Favorite Things

In addition to the idea that women are petty sluts who only wish to ride a “cock carousel” of hot dudes rather than get with them, incels now think their literal bone structure is ruining their lives. The solution? Head to a shady Indianapolis plastic surgeon who can give them new cheekbones fit for a Dolce & Gabbana campaign.

For New York Magazine, reporter Alice Hines writes about incels and the obsession many of them have with becoming “Chads” (good-looking guys) by going under the knife. Incels might lambast Chads on forums, but they also seem convinced their lives will be better if they become Chads. In addition to performing “penis-stretching exercises” (whatever in god’s name that is) and mewing (chewing food to bulk up jaw muscles), Hines finds that incels worship the intense body modification surgeries of the plastic surgeon Barry Eppley, who removes ribs for patients and admits his work is criticized as being “on the edge.”

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Men fly to Eppley from all over the world to get their new bodies. But what exactly do incels want to change about their body to become the Chads they both revere and despise? Here’s a list of what some clients request from Eppley and what he can do for them:

Shoulder widening and narrowing
Deltoid implants
Quadricep implants
Testicular enlargement implants, some “dinosaur-egg size”
Facial-masculinization surgery
A manlier nose
A manlier head shape
Male-model cheekbones
Prominent, full-lips

Basically, a new face, and what they believe is a new way to finally attract women and right the wrongs that nature has bestowed on them.

Hines writes in her piece that some surgeons criticize Eppley’s “whatever you want” style of surgery and that it doesn’t consider when a patient has body dysmorphia, to which Eppley replies that all patients have it to some extent. Incels also argue that women get similarly invasive procedures regularly and aren’t criticized.

But incels seem to view these surgical procedures as a necessary correction in a world that doesn’t give them what they feel they deserve, which is to be showered with sex and attention from beautiful women (and as beautiful as possible, not just “cute” ones.) Some men quoted find it “sickening” that they perceive they get treated better post-surgery, because they’re still the same person. From Hines’ report, getting these surgeries goes beyond slight physical self-improvement or a confidence boost, these men seem to genuinely believe sculpting and silicone-pumping their flesh into the face of a male model will be the key to their success, period.