New Bay Area Resident Heard Laughing Blocks Away

Julia Roberts
Julia Roberts
Image: Getty

Julia Roberts is going to be my neighbor!!! Well, not actually. Not really even kind of, but we will be living in the same city now that the actress has recently closed the 8.3 million dollar purchase of a Victorian home in San Francisco’s Presidio Heights neighborhood.


Apparently the home is 6,245 square feet, which is more living space than that of myself and my twelve closest friends in the city have combined. Her new property comes complete with a mudroom, a 1,000 bottle wine cellar (not cave), a built-in dog bath, which I literally do not understand the concept of at all, and also a screening room, which I guess means movie nights at Julia’s!

When I was eleven years old my only dream was to be Julia Roberts as Julianne Potter in My Best Friend’s Wedding, which is concerning aspiration for an eleven-year-old considering it meant my greatest dream was to be a single, disaffected, chain-smoking food critic chasing Cameron Diaz around in a bakery truck. Now at twenty-nine, having accidentally manifested that reality for myself, it feels like the circle is partially complete knowing that there’s the chance I’ll run into her somewhere in the city while she’s laughing into a glass of white wine and I’m schlepping my delicates to the laundromat because ostensibly Roberts will be the only person in the city with an in-unit washer and dryer.

Should she ever feel lonely in her new five-story, five-bedroom digs, I would like to immediately make myself available to keep her company and also to live there as the housing market in this city is a complete nightmare and at this point, the woman who became the first actress to ever make 20 million dollars for a film is probably the only person who can actually afford anything here.

It remains to be seen how much time Roberts will actually be spending in the Bay Area, considering she’s a rich woman with a lot of property and a very busy schedule, but I look forward to the potential of hearing her famous laugh echoing across the Golden Gate Bridge parting the fog and greeting the dawn as the sun rises through the eucalyptus trees, or something like that. [Page Six]

In news that is far less exhilarating to me but I’m sure will nonetheless tickle and delight fives of tens of people, it appears Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott are back together. Kind of? Maybe? Who knows!


The former (current?) couple, who recently threw a ridiculously expensive second birthday party for their daughter Stormi, first started dating in 2017 at Coachella, where all great love stories begin, but parted ways last year.

The reunion rumors started after Jenner posted old pictures of the couple on her Instagram story, captioning three photos sequentially, “It’s” “a” “mood.” Jenner also posted pictures of her wearing a pair of Nike SB Dunk trainers that Scott had designed.


Under normal circumstances, it might be considered strange behavior to post pictures of your ex and then wear their shoes, but because she is who she is, this news is sweet and not creepy at all! Personally, I wouldn’t know if my ex is posting pictures of me because I have them muted, but if they were I don’t think I would love it.

I’m sure Ellen will have Jenner on her show at some point in the next couple of weeks and ask her about her relationship status, at which point she’ll give a vague non-answer and then I’ll be back here writing about it all over again! [TMZ]


Shit happens! Ashley Graham is letting everyone know just how tough it can be out there for mothers on the go, sharing a picture of her changing her baby’s diaper in the aisle of a Staples because, as she said, there was not a bathroom to be found.


As someone who is not and will never be a mother, I have no interest in commenting on the feats parenting a child require, and based on the comments on her post it seems there are more diapers being changed in store aisles than I ever realized.


  • Hailey Baldwin wooed Justin Bieber by cracking open a cold one, with her teeth [People]
  • Pete Davidson’s basement apartment is a cautionary tale about dating men who live in their mother’s basement [Us Weekly]
  • Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are just talking okay! [Us Weekly]
  • Amber Rose might want to reevaluate this Instagram caption [Bossip]
  • The Royals worry about Instagram clout too which is great and horrible [The New York Times]

freelance writer living in San Francisco. Please clap.


The Holy Hand Grenade

Ummm..  restrooms exist in most Staples locations. You might interrupt a hobo jerking off, but still.