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If you are one of the 10 million daily viewers of Judge Judy, you know that its eponymous Judith Sheindlin is sharp as a tack and blunt as a hammer. Regardless, the National Enquirer and its sister publication the National Examiner recently published stories claiming Sheindlin was suffering from a host of ailments, including Alzheimer’s and depression, and that she cheated on her husband. All of this was, in Judy parlance, BALONEY!!!! And the Enquirer has admitted it in an apology published today on its website.

The full apology reads:

The National ENQUIRER and sister publication The National Examiner recently published articles which stated that Judge Judy Sheindlin suffered from “brain disease,” was “fighting” both Alzheimer’s and depression, and is “hiding a heartbreaking medical crisis.”

We also published articles which stated that Judge Judy cheated on her husband, and that her daughter Nicole Sheindlin faced jail time for refusing to serve on a jury.

None of these statements are true, and we unequivocally retract them.

Gossip Cop points out that the Enquirer (along with sister publication Star) also recently apologized to Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson for false claims they were divorcing, and RadarOnline (which, like the Enquirer and Star, is owned by American Media, Inc.) apologized for claiming Sarah Ferguson was attempting to charge for interviews about Princess Diana.

The moral: Don’t pee on Judy’s leg and tell her it’s Alzheimer’s.