Naming Infants After Bloodsucking Monsters All The Rage

Illustration for article titled Naming Infants After Bloodsucking Monsters All The Rage

Looks like parents nowadays aren't afraid to get baby name inspiration from a source that literally sucks— books about vampires.


According to, people are still not tired of naming their offspring after horny, fictional supernatural beings; Isabella and Sookie (?!) topped the list of names parents searched the site for in 2011. On the boys' side, it looks like 2016's kindergarten classes will be full of Jacobs, Edwards, and Maxes.

Parents are looking to other sources for names for their children, too. Old fashioned girls' names like Ann, Blythe, and Betty experienced a surge in popularity last year, as well as grandpa names like Gus, Ted, and Frank. The royal wedding inspired to name their children Kate, William, and Henry in the last year, and pure unadulterated tomfoolery inspired many parents to name their children after places or things, in much the same way one would name a golden retriever puppy.

Parenting also reports that celebrities are just as bananas as always, because naming your kid something absolutely ridiculous is the new conspicuous display of wealth; naming your progeny "Pilot Inspektor" is wealthy parents' cocksure way of saying "We've got enough money that this kid will never have to apply to grad school or distribute resumes." Kind of like how naming your daughter Krystal sets her on a lifelong quest to find a nickname that doesn't make her sound like one of Hugh Hefner's lower ranking girlfriends.

So what does the future hold for the names of American babies? Guess that depends on the next set of blockbuster treacly romance novels to be released, because we're about at critical Isabella mass. I'm pulling for someone to write a series of popular books called Transformers: Breaking Metal about robots in disguise who are also in love, because there is a serious shortage of little girls named Megatron and little boys named Starscream.

Most popular baby names for 2012 [Parenting]



I substitute teach in charter schools in Minneapolis and Saint Paul, so believe me when I say I've seen some odd names. Some of them come from Hmong parents who pick a seemingly random English word as the name for their kids: Universe, Supreme, Syrup. Other randoms: Lemon (this kid was fucking adorable and extremely helpful, so I will remember him forever), the Somali trend of naming kids first and last names the same (Mohamed Mohamed, Said Said, etc. Okay, not a trend, but definitely not something that happens in America), etc.

I can totally get behind some of the cultural trends because - again, that's culture. But the trend of the "aden" names, all spelled slightly differently: Jayden, Kaden, Aidyn, etc. is pretty ridiculous. How am I supposed to remember how to spell the names of all these kids who have parents who thought they were being clever and unique with the spelling? Ugh.

Side note: is it hilarious if I want to name my boy cat with an old man's name? Here comes Eugene, or Winston, or Lawrence the cat! Or Steve.