My Winter Crush Is Subway Raccoon

Illustration for article titled My Winter Crush Is Subway Raccoon
Screenshot: New York Post

Not all heroes wear capes, but some have adorably-shaped face fur giving the appearance of a perfect little Zorro eye mask, and I just love them so much. Such is the case of Subway Raccoon, my new winter crush.

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According to the New York Post, Subway raccoon, dubbed “Chepe,” is an elusive rodent who recently moved into Brooklyn’s Nevins Street subway station. Rent around there is expensive, so I get it. Late last month, NYPD, animal control, and the state’s transit authority spent seven entire hours trying to capture my future husband and simply could not.

“He’s not stupid you know,” said one cop. “I want a picture of the raccoon!” said another.

In their attempt to lure Chepe out of his home, workers stuffed a crate full of “plantains, a chicken and a bagel.” He escaped before they could shut him in, and he left happy and full. That night, he ate better than I do. It’s nice, you know, to have a crush that’s a bit aspirational. You need your partner to better your life.

URL: Senior Writer, Jezebel. IRL: Author of the very good book 'LARGER THAN LIFE: A History of Boy Bands from NKOTB to BTS,' out now.

DISCUSSION

daphnecat
DaphneCat

Aw, thank you for this. Raccoons get a bad rap, but they are smart, clever, and adorable. Anyone who wants to tell me vicious they are, just don’t. That’s not the point.