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My Vaginal Beauty Self-Care Routine

Image via Shutterstock
Image via Shutterstock

I grew up bouncing between Paris, New York City, and a rustic ranch in West Texas that my grandfather built, so I’ve always been all about self-care that is low-maintenance and reflects my lifestyle. My friends are always making fun of me for saying that if I can’t fit it in a single makeup clutch, it’s just not going on my vagina! [Laughs] My friends are so rich.


I like to keep it super natural “down there.” I always start with LipBeautiful Gentle Creme Wash to really get in the nooks and crannies of my labia without irritating it. My skin there is really sensitive so the name of the game for me is reducing inflammation. For that, I use Lavender Acai Calming Toner by Yoni Inc. on the inside of my vag, the warm up a few drops of Hydraflower Liquid Masque between my fingers before smearing on the outside of the lips.

I’ve been experimenting with serum lately, and right now I’m using BioGrace Firming Youth Tonic, although I’m not totally convinced. I had been using V Shop’s Spot Corrector but they stopped making it and now I’m trying to find a replacement. My go-to moisturizer for my front-vulva is La Vag Luminesse. If I could bathe in this, I would! It’s really expensive but I got a sample sent to me at work, and I’ve been addicted ever since. It’s the same texture and pH as actual vaginal secretions and smells like them, too, so you don’t end up feeling all “made up” when you use it.


For my back-vulva and the area where my underwear gets bunched up, like right before it meets my butthole, I try to live by my mother’s rules (she’s French, so really elegant and minimalistic) of nothing other than warm water and maybe a sprig of dry lavender tucked into my underwear. Honestly though, anything plucked from a field in the Loire valley and dried in the Mediterranean sun will do in a pinch.

I prefer to let my pubes air-dry before adding just a spritz of Ocean Curl Secret Texturizing Spray in Sea Foam, but if I’m in a rush, I may just throw on some La Bush Style Extender and head right out the door. I love the whole La Bush line because it doesn’t weigh down your mons pubis at all, and has an amazing, light orange-y scent.

I’ve been going to the same perineum guy for four years now and I swear there is no one better. I see Ledge at Perinial Wisdom in Soho. Ledge is a total minimalist just like me, and turned me on to the magic of Goji Berry Hydroboost Exfoliator by L’Hotel En Bas. I swear if they ever discontinue it I’ll kill myself!

For my butthole, I like to keep things really simple. I’ve gotten semi-addicted to Fontain Brun Butt Beans. You’re technically supposed to refrigerate them and use the Fontain Brun Bean Applicator, but I’m cheap and minimalist so I just pop them up there before applying Moisture Surge Redness Reducing Balm to the inside of my anus. If it’s winter, I’ll slather on Sweetheart Sweet Potato Booty Butter just sort of all over my cheeks.


I’m such a homebody, but when I go out, I like to wear Sweet Revenge (Lower) Lip Color in Something To Talk About just along the inside of my vagina. It’s a great color for most seasons, but if I’m going to a formal event, I’ll use something darker, like La Crevasse Rouge in Murder. I’m so intimidated by the world of vaginal scents—it’s such an art form!—but I’ve started experimenting and am currently obsessed with Mirage V’s entire line. Right now I’m wearing Vaolage, which I love because it’s got a musky, bourbony, old-world smell that reminds me of old desks and books. (I’m such a nerd and love to read.)

Vagina liner is something that I think works on a lot of people, but not really on me, so I mostly stay away from it, although I did wear Mars Van Vooter’s Liquid Canvass in a cat-eye around my anus on New Years last year. Probably not again though [laughs].

Kelly Stout is Jezebel's features editor.

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I constantly have to shut down requests to open an artisinal bakery down there.