My One Passion in Life is Getting Beautiful Things For Free, Like This Parrot (??) Funeral Urn (??)

Illustration for article titled My One Passion in Life is Getting Beautiful Things For Free, Like This Parrot (??) Funeral Urn (??)
Photo: Esther Wang

I have very few passions in life, mostly because I am lazy and because it seems a little unseemly to declare my penchant for spending all of my disposable income on plants that I eventually kill a “passion,” as opposed to the sublimation of a baser instinct that I should probably discuss, but definitely won’t, with a therapist. But there is one hobby of mine that I feel confident in calling a true passion—and that is my passion for free shit.

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I’ve always enjoyed getting things for free—who doesn’t—but at some point last year, it became an obsession that took up significant portions of my free time, which I suddenly had in abundance. I began scouring the “free” section of Craigslist on a thrice-daily basis, marveling at the bounty and diversity of what was being offered, often logging on first thing in the morning and right before going to bed. I joined my neighborhood Buy Nothing group, which had the unfortunate effect of compelling me to sign into Facebook (ugh) several times a day, and on every walk with my dog, I kept my eye out for trash that could be treasure, or at the very least, a practical, new-to-me set of dinner plates.

Lest you think I’m exaggerating, here’s just a partial list of what I’ve accumulated—again, for exactly zero dollars!!!—in the last month alone:

  • Two wine glasses
  • A bronze vase
  • A monstera in a very nice pot
  • A Keurig coffee maker
  • A stainless steel dish rack
  • Two handmade ceramic bowls, one of which is shaped like a mushroom
  • An Ikea bedframe
  • A counter-height bistro table
  • A wooden candle holder
  • Five outdoor solar lights
  • A silver serving tray

But the point of this blog is to share my latest find, which stunned even me with its beauty and elegance and cost (free). And it is this, the ultimate in grace, wit, and charm:

Illustration for article titled My One Passion in Life is Getting Beautiful Things For Free, Like This Parrot (??) Funeral Urn (??)
Photo: Esther Wang

I saw her while walking my dog one evening this week, and initially, I thought it was adorned with a bald eagle, and went, ugh, no thanks. But then I realized it was something magnificent and far greater.

Isn’t she stunning? I’m not quite sure what she’s meant to be. A vision dreamed up by Jimmy Buffett? The ghost of good times past? A funeral urn for a resident of Margaritaville? Whatever she is, I love her, and now my challenge is to find something—for free, ideally—so beautiful that it’s worthy to be housed in her.

Senior reporter, Jezebel

DISCUSSION

thedamesgotmoxie
LaRockyMay!

Oh Esther...I can’t unsee it...