Move Over Mysterious Monolith, We've Got a Dick Event

The Utah monolith is quaking in her silver boots over another surprise monument that popped up in Germany on Thursday. A wooden “phallus sculpture” was erected, in every sense of the word, on a mountainside in Germany several years ago but disappeared mysteriously on Monday before being replaced on Thursday, according to the New York Post.

The new dick is framed by two oblong wooden testicles and is taller than its predecessor but of similar girth. It’s unclear whether this is a circumcised penis or not but my best guess is that if the wood were ever to shrink or soften we would be looking at something that’s got some foreskin on it.

The original dick appeared on Greuenten Mountain years ago and quickly became a tourist attraction because who doesn’t love a random penis protruding from the scenery in the middle of a snow-capped mountain. It is unclear how the penis got there, but the Post reports that the local lore is that it was placed there by a family who received the penis as a gift and did not want it and left it in the woods to die. Or become famous, either one.

German police are investigating the removal of the original penis but the law is unclear on whether removing a sculpture that no one has claimed even constitutes a crime.