More of Mike Pence's Old Writing Unearthed to Prove He's a Complete Fucking Hypocrite Who Also Sucks

Illustration for article titled More of Mike Pence's Old Writing Unearthed to Prove He's a Complete Fucking Hypocrite Who Also Sucks
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Newly unearthed opinion columns that Vice President Mike Pence wrote during the Monica Lewinsky scandal reveal just how much of a spineless hypocrite he is —in general!!!!—but also in particular when it comes to the slew of sexual misconduct allegations against President Trump.


With the help of the Wayback Machine internet archive, CNN found two articles Pence penned in the late ‘90s, back when he hosted a talk radio show in Indiana. In them, he argued that the president must be held to a higher moral standard than the average person. Okay!!!!

For full effect, let’s take a trip down memory lane. It’s the late ‘90s: Everything smells like Bath and Body Works cucumber melon, spaghetti strap tank tops and body glitter are the height of fashion, Austin Powers holds cultural relevance, there are too many Adam Sandler movies, and somewhere in Indiana, Mike Pence is writing.

From “Two Schools of Thought on Clinton”:

On the second count, that the President is ‘just like the rest of us’, he is the most powerful man in the world. If you and I fall into bad moral habits, we can harm our families, our employers and our friends. The President of the United States can incinerate the planet. Seriously, the very idea that we ought to have at or less than the same moral demands placed on the Chief Executive that we place on our next door neighbor is ludicrous and dangerous. Throughout our history, we have seen the presidency as the repository of all of our highest hopes and ideals and values. To demand less is to do an injustice to the blood that bought our freedoms.

A president with bad moral habits can “incinerate the planet,” eh?

From “Why Clinton Must Resign or Be Impeached”:

Further, the Presidents repeated lies to the American people in this matter compound the case against him as they demonstrate his failure to protect the institution of the presidency as the ‘inspiring supreme symbol of all that is highest in our American ideals’. Leaders affect the lives of families far beyond their own ‘private life’. In the Bible story of Esther we are told of a king who was charged to put right his own household because there would be “no end of disrespect and discord” among the families of the kingdom if he failed to do so. In a day when reckless extramarital sexual activity is manifesting itself in our staggering rates of illegitimacy and divorce, now more than ever, America needs to be able to look to her First Family as role models of all that we have been and can be again.



It’s safe to say that Pence is likely holding his tongue when it comes to his distinct brand of moralistic ooze when he’s around Trump. He needs those court appointments and help ushering in the Biblical apocalypse, after all.

Staff writer, mint chocolate hater.


Ashley Reese

For the record, I still sincerely enjoy The Wedding Singer and Big Daddy.