Ugh! Gross! Ariel Winter, the adorable 14-year-old sasspot of Modern Family, has been removed from the custody of her mother following some alarming abuse allegations—including "vile name calling, personal insults about [her and her weight], attempts to 'sexualize' minor, deprivation of food, etc. for an extended period of time." Winter's sister, Shanelle Gray, has petitioned for guardianship.
Gray's petition concludes that it's imperative she be appointed Ariel's personal guardian and head of her estimated $500,000 estate, both for the teen's physical safety and because Workman is currently receiving the checks from her daughter's TV work and is in charge of her Coogan account (money that by California law is set aside for child actors for when they reach adulthood).
Ariel's sister wants the actress' paychecks sent to a new bank account that Workman won't be able to access.
For her part, the mom is like, "Nu uh though."
"I have my doctor's letter that my daughter's never been abused...I have stylists' letters that she's never been abused."
Oh, STYLISTS' LETTERS. You don't say!!! Waste no more of the court's time with this travesty of a case, prevaricating barristers! THE WOMAN HAS STYLISTS' LETTERS. CLEAR HER NAME AT ONCE. [E!]
Judd Apatow talks about the first thing he ever wrote—a Simpsons spec script when he was in his early 20s:
The first thing I ever wrote was a spec episode of The Simpsons. After only five Simpsons episodes aired, I sat down and tried to write one when I was in my early twenties. And what it was about was they went to see a hypnotism show and at the hypnotism show, they made Homer think he was the same age at Bart. And then the hypnotist had a heart attack. So now Homer and Bart became best friends and they spent the rest of the show running away because Homer didn't want responsibility and didn't want to be brought back to his real age. So I basically copied that for every movie I've made since.
I'd like to take this opportunity to talk about the Hey Dude episode where Mr. Ernst gets amnesia and thinks he's his cool younger self "T-Bone" and then accidentally throws water balloons at the Juvenile Employment Inspector. But it's all okay at the end because he steps on a rake and gets his brain back and Jake says something sarcastic. Kindly leave your Mr. Ernst memories in the comments. [Slashfilm]
Not sure how I missed this yesterday (guess I was distracted by THE COUNTRY BEING AWESOME), but Lady Gaga donated $1 million to the Red Cross for Sandy relief:
Today I pledge 1 million dollars to New York & The American Red Cross for Hurricane Sandy Relief. If it wasn't for NYC: the Lower Eastside, Harlem, the Bronx and Brooklyn, I would not be the woman or artist that I am today. New York is relentless ambition, a drive to succeed, a place where there is a natural pursuit of diversity through compassion. Please accept this gift on behalf of myself, my parents Joe and Cynthia, and my sister Natali; with our deepest gratitude New York for raising us. Thank you for helping me build my spirit. I will now help you rebuild yours. Sincerely, Lady Gaga and The Germanottas.
Good on ya, Gagz. [HuffPo]
Rosie O'Donnell watched poker on election night because she couldn't take the stress of democracy. [HuffPo]
Uhhhhh...this is a story about Donny Osmond having a fight with Simon Cowell about whether or not he and Susan Boyle should do a duet of "Music of the Night" from Phantom of the Opera. A-BOO-BOO-BOO-BOOOOZZZZZ. BLA-BLOO-BLOO-BLOO-BLUUUUURRRRRGGGGZZZZZZ. (That's me sleep-crying.) [Express]
Check out this suuuuuuuuuper-duper "candid" shot of Lana Del Rey just relaxing candidly like candid people do. [HuffPo]
Beeeeee-yill and SOOKEHHH "step out" for the first time since pooping out baby-twins. I like them. [HuffPo]
Nigella Lawson fears the sun, wears an "all-covering burkini." [Express]
Adam Ant, the Fifth Musketeer (or, wait...Cardinal Bitcheleu?), says that girlz rool the pop music industry and boyz drool the pop music industry: "All this is going on at a time when most blokes in music look like they've just crawled out of bed with a bad dose of crabs." SNERP! (I know. I get farther and farther away from English with every Dirt Bag.) [Express]
Tina Fey explains the mysterious Emmy in Liz Lemon's office:
"I've always sort of thought that it's a Daytime Emmy and that perhaps she got it for writing a really specific category, like Best Regional Promo for the show 'The Mommies' or something like that," Fey says. "[Or] for writing jokes for Joy Behar for 'The View' — it's definitely a Daytime Emmy. It's a local, Daytime Emmy."
"Gary Sinise's Lt. Dan Band Rocks Out for the Troops." Here he is talking about it with swollen chef Robert Irvine. [Extra]
Uma Thurman, beautiful woman, looks beautiful without makeup. Shacking. That is shacking. I am shacked. [E!]
Check out Scarlett Johansson's new tattoo. [TWBE]
Important. Just because. [Cry]