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The musician Moby has a new memoir out (a second memoir, if you can believe it) titled Then It Fell Apart. But judging by the portions of the book currently making their way to the press, the people who rule this memoir are not in fact Moby, but the women he claims to have dated who probably disdain him now.

The Guardian reports that Moby writes about his relationship with Natalie Portman, back when he says she was 20 and he 33, writing that they “kissed under the centuries-old oak trees” and slept next to each other in her Harvard dorm room. “For a few weeks I had tried to be Natalie’s boyfriend, but it hadn’t worked out,” he writes. Thanks for letting us know, Moby, really.

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But Natalie Portman disagrees with Moby’s overly romantic memories of their extremely short-lived relationship, as she told Harper’s Bazaar he was just some old creep who wanted to get too close to her as a teenager. “I was surprised to hear that he characterized the very short time that I knew him as dating because my recollection is a much older man being creepy with me when I just had graduated high school,” she says. “He was on tour and I was working, shooting a film, so we only hung out a handful of times before I realized that this was an older man who was interested in me in a way that felt inappropriate.” She points out that she was actually 18 when they started hanging out, not 20 as he writes. Yuck?

If Portman’s recollections aren’t enough to make you cringe, Moby also writes about dating a pre-famous Lana Del Rey (when she was just an aspiring young singer named Lizzy Grant.) Stereogum reported on the passages which include a date Moby writes he had with Grant in his five-story penthouse, to which Grant replies:

“Floors in an apartment.” She shook her head. “Moby you know you’re the man.”

“Ha, thanks,” I said.

“No, not like that. You’re a rich WASP from Connecticut and you live in a five-level penthouse. You’re ‘The Man.’ As in, ‘stick it to The Man.’ As in the person they guillotine in the revolution.”

I didn’t know if she was insulting me but I decided to take it as a compliment.”

It’s not, my dude.

Later, Moby writes that they kiss, but Grant stops it and says, “I like you. But I hear you do this with a lot of people,” and then leaves. Later he’d describe Grant as someone he “tried dating a couple of years ago.”

Where’s my book by all the women Moby tried to date?

Update: Moby has responded to Natalie Portman in an Instagram post. He writes:

I recently read a gossip piece wherein Natalie Portman said that we’d never dated. This confused me, as we did, in fact, date. And after briefly dating in 1999 we remained friends for years. I like Natalie, and I respect her intelligence and activism. But, to be honest, I can’t figure out why she would actively misrepresent the truth about our(albeit brief)involvement. The story as laid out in my book Then It Fell Apart is accurate, with lots of corroborating photo evidence, etc.

Thanks,

Moby

Ps I completely respect Natalie’s possible regret in dating me(to be fair, I would probably regret dating me, too), but it doesn’t alter the actual facts of our brief romantic history