Tina, Mother of Beyoncé, who hath also delivereth Solange, and has been bestowed the honorific “Miss,” visited Earth briefly on Friday to share goss(pel) with Maria Shriver about raising a child in the immense shadow of Beyoncé. For Jesus’s sibling rivalry isn’t brought up that often, so Ms. Tina had to figure it out on her own as a single mom.
Miss Knowles Lawson says that she would take Solange to counseling and set aside a Solange day so that Solange wouldn’t feel left out while Beyoncé’s star was rising:
On Wednesdays, I would take off work, and that was Solange’s day...it was tough because she was only five years old, and Beyoncé was this little superstar in our city, and so I took them to counseling very early so that the counselor could help Beyoncé be more sensitive to Solange. She couldn’t stand her for a minute because when they were little, she was five, she was all in [Beyoncé’s] stuff, she was trying to hang around her and her friends, and Beyoncé was really irritated, but it made her more sensitive to who her sister was and what she had to deal with because of her.
And the interviewer bells went DING DING DING DING DING in Maria Shriver’s head.
I propose that Wednesday henceforth be known as Solange Day, a day off work to consider performance art which examines oppression and institutional critique through abstract movement and sound.