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Millennials Killed Alcohol But the Pandemic Brought It Back

Illustration for article titled Millennials Killed Alcohol But the Pandemic Brought It Back
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Millennials have allegedly killed every good thing in America, aside from avocado toast which is the only thing millennials can legally consume. According to a 2017 Business Insider report, millennials don’t drink enough and the few who do prefer wine and spirits to beer, killing beer sales. (Of course, beer is both disgusting and carb-laden, two things millennials simply cannot abide.) But now, thanks in all likelihood to the onset of an all-consuming dread, alcohol has risen from the dead as everyone, millennials included, spend more and more time drinking from home.

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According to AP:

U.S. sales of alcoholic beverages rose 55% in the week ending March 21, according to market research firm Nielsen. Spirits like tequila, gin and pre-mixed cocktails led the way, with sales jumping 75% compared to the same period last year. Wine sales were up 66% while beer sales rose 42%.

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Online sales for alcohol are up a whopping 243%, which I will personally take responsibility for as I’ve done nothing but buy wine online from a semi-local alcohol warehouse, praise New Jersey for this luxury.

While it’s unknown who, besides me, is buying all this alcohol and resurrecting an industry supposedly put to pasture by millennials, there are a few suspects that come to mind. Not to name any names but a certain domestic goddess has been making sizeable cocktails lately. Cheers to everyone during their respective Zoom happy hours.

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DISCUSSION

Let’s not be so hard on millenials. We old people set up a really awful world for them, and (secondly) they gave us artisanal pickles and mayo.