Mike and Mother Pence's Sprawling $1.9 Million Mansion Is, Unfortunately, Awesome

Mike Pence is living the true American Dream. After four years of collecting a paycheck for doing absolutely nothing at a job he coasted into, he is now enjoying a lavish retirement in a $1.9 million home in Indiana. According to the New York Post, Pence purchased the seven-bedroom, seven-and-a-half-bathroom property above the asking price in the affluent area of Carmel. The house sits on five acres of land and includes access to what I believe might be a lake but could be a pond. As a city dweller who has never lived near a body of water larger than a puddle surrounding a clogged sewer drain, I honestly cannot tell the difference.

Naturally, the mansion is loaded with amenities so the Pence family never has to leave their compound to have a nice time. The enormous backyard is fully paved with a light grey stone leading out to a well-sized pool which has a basketball hoop on one side so Mother can work on her out-of-water jump shot. Should she tire of this, there’s also an indoor basketball court. Inside, Pence has a cozy wood-paneled study where he and his ghostwriter will work on edits for his forthcoming books. There’s even a bar and a gym where Mother can mix pre-workout into her husband’s cocktails and the two can get into all kinds of fun scenarios.

Despite my abhorrence for the dark stained wood on the kitchen cabinets, this house is undeniably beautiful and in a prime location. But would I be willing to inhabit one of the many rooms in this palace if it meant spending time, even if just a few minutes, with Mike and Mother Pence in Indiana? I mean, there’s a pool and a stainless steel gas grill so I’m not saying I would live there, but I would probably Airbnb one of those rooms if the listing provided pool access.