Michigan Attorney General Candidate Suggests Voting for the Candidate Without a Penis

Dana Nessel, a Democrat running for Michigan attorney general, has a promise: vote for her, the candidate you can trust not to show anybody their penis, because she doesn’t have one.


“If the last few weeks has taught us anything, it’s that we need more women in positions of power, not less,” Nessel opened her latest campaign ad, via the Huffington Post, responding to suggestions that the Democratic ticket for statewide office can’t be wholly female. (The horror!) “So, when you’re choosing Michigan’s next attorney general, ask yourself this. Who can you trust most not to show you their penis in a professional setting? Is it the candidate who doesn’t have a penis? I’d say so.” Again, this is a real campaign ad, not a Reductress post, which really says a lot about how the women of America are feeling after two endless, grueling months of sexual harassment revelations.

“Pundits and insiders are asking, ‘Can we afford to have a female governor, a female attorney general, and a female secretary of state? Well, I read the news, and I bet you do too. And it has me wondering: Can we afford not to?”

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I think it’s brilliant! In the first half of the ad, she points out just how absurd the “Can we afford to have a female governor, a female attorney general, and a female secretary of state?” question is with an absurd response (essentially, “Vote for me ‘cause I don’t have a dick to whip out at inappropriate times”). Then in the second half, she talks about how she’ll address serious issues and directs viewers to her website to see her whole platform.