First Lady Michelle Obama looked stunning in a white Monique Lhuillier gown at last night's Kennedy Center honors, and the President — in a penguin suit — didn't look too bad, either. But some observers have noted that there may be something more sinister going on than just a night out at a formal event that had been on the First Couple's calendar for months. Behind the Lhuillier and winning smile might be the sort of naked aggression that can only be expressed by wearing a gown in public. Yes. Let's go with that.

The New York Daily News and New York Mag's The Cut went with that (the former with tongue less firmly in cheek than the latter) storyline, and, quite frankly, we couldn't be more pleased. Fanfic about a First Lady driven insane with jealousy over the presence of a beautiful pregnant royal from across the ocean on her continent is just too giddily absurd to pass up. That's some telenovela shit, and, after last week, we all deserve some levity.

Meanwhile, over at the Daily News, an editor is praying to all of the gods that when the First Lady and the Duchess of Cambridge meet in person this week, their enraged dresses rip themselves off of the bodies to which they're affixed and fight until nothing remains but tattered rags and national pride. U-S-A! U-S-A!