- That unfortunately tattooed woman who slept with Sandra Bullock’s correspondingly unfortunately tattooed husband is pole dancing online under the URL SandraBullocksRevenge.com. What does that even mean?
- It’s part of a viral web campaign for that one website for people who want to cheat on their spouses, and oh, Christ, I just can’t muster the energy to think about 90% of this story anymore. If it weren’t for celebrities occupying so many of my brain cells, I’d probably have done something useful with my life by now. Run! Save yourselves! [TMZ]
- Ke$ha, desperate to shock you shock you shock you with her deviant behavior, gives a shout out to serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer on her forthcoming album, which she’s calling “Cannibal.” Because she’s really extreme, you guys. Coincidentally, I’d rather eat human flesh than listen to this Ke$ha album without being paid to do so. [ONTD]
- Click here to see Denzel Washington introduce Miley Cyrus on a German talk show, and then remind yourself to stop taking Ambien before you read Dirtbag. Don’t you know that causes elaborate, Denzel/Miley hallucinations? [TMZ]
- In other Miley Cyrus news, the Disney star wants her achey breaky family to be together on her 18th birthday. No word yet on whether or not Nashville’s Lohans-in-waiting will oblige her request. [ONTD]
- Book claims Elle MacPhereson, not Christie Brinkley, was Billy Joel‘s “Uptown Girl.” None of this changes the fact that the song attempts to rhyme the words “girl” and “world,” which doesn’t rhyme. It doesn’t rhyme, Billy Joel. GOD. [RadarOnline]
- Hillary Duff is surprised, confused, dazzled by the amount and size of her husband’s clothing. She reports, “He has a lot of suits and his jeans are huge.” She was then quoted asking to learn to play the snarfblatt and brushing her hair with a fork. So glad you’re a part of our world, Hillary. [People]
- Vanessa Minillo’s engagement ring cost more than the amount you still owe on student loans. Nick Lachey supposedly shelled out $125K for her bling, providing supporting evidence to my theory that excessive musical emoting is apparently a long term investment with a high rate of return. I wish I had more feelings. [Showbiz Spy]
- In other Vanessa news, Vanessa Paradis has reportedly forbid Johnny Depp from filming shower scene with universally feared husband snatcher and baby hoarder Angelina Jolie. [Daily Mail]
- Katy Perry claims she won’t pose nude, is still the worst. I won’t pose nude, either, Katy, but I don’t expect a fucking morality badge for it. You wore a bra that shoots whipped cream in a music video and you sing an entire song about seeing a guy’s penis for the first time (using “Peacock” as a double entendre, which is lazy). Quit trying to pretend you’re tee hee just a little girl playing sexy dress up. It’s tired! You’re the worst! [RadarOnline]
- Nicki Minaj reports that Lil Wayne is in good spirits following his release from prison I’m not really excellent at reading Lil’ Wayne’s moods, so I’m just going to have to take her word on this. [MTV]
- Kiera Knightly and Rebecca Hall are reportedly finalists for the Daisy Buchanan role in Baz Luhrman’s The Great Gatsby. We’re making a movie about something that happened before 1950! Quick! Tell the Commissioner to light the Kiera Knightly Bat Signal! [DailyExpress]
- Sun rises, earth spins, arrest warrant issued for Michael Lohan. Another day on this glorious planet of ours. [National Ledger]
- David Beckham is reportedly planning to launch his own line of underwear. He would join his wife Victoria Beckham in the fashion world and the two of them will writhe and shimmy across ads for both clothing lines, like sexy, dead-behind-the-eyes robots. [Showbiz Spy]
- Karina Smirnoff of Dancing with the Stars is engaged, apparently wears black lipstick to business meetings? Nothing more intimidating for the opposing side in business negotiations than dressing like a KoRn fan. [USMagazine]
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