Michele Bachmann's Book Hopes To Distract From Fact That Michele Bachmann Would Make A Terrible President

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All 206 pages of Michele Bachmann's book are hitting stores on Monday. Her campaign hopes the volume, with the Lifetime Original Movie-ready title Courage of Conviction, will boost her campaign's profile and provide the boost she needs to come from behind to nab the Republican Presidential nomination. This is a great idea. Other fact-challenged Republican candidates would be well served to follow Bachmann's lead.


The New York Times says that party establishment is concerned by the seeming knowledge dearth among leading Republican Presidential candidates, and for good reason. Cain's got that horrible video of him not knowing anything about Libya, Perry's got that horrible debate performance of him not knowing anything about his own thoughts, Bachmann keeps talking regardless of the truthiness of her statements. But what sort of books would help the candidates win back voters' confidence?

Herman Cain
Cain's a gleeful gaffe machine, but his most recent concerning blip was Monday's confusion over what the hell was going over in Libya. His damage control book, entitled All The Women I Have Not Harassed will feature stories from over a thousand women Cain's met and managed to refrain from harassing and draw attention to his skills as a leader and a non-harasser.

Rick Perry
Laser Sight is a semi-autobiographical (but fictional) three-part story of a Texas lawman named Pick Rerry who never forgets anything. Think Twilight meets an NRA meeting.

Mitt Romney
Romney should write a Choose Your Own Adventure book called Mittens Goes to Washington. Voters/readers can decide what stances to take, and the conclusion to every story is the reader feeling convinced that, if elected, Romney would do what they wanted him to do.

Newt Gingrich
Instead of playing down his hypocritical family values touting and flouting, he should ditch extolling the virtues of family and start sharing his secrets. Newty's Guide To Booty would teach readers the ins and outs of Washington DC scumbaggery. He can later host a show on VH1 for nerds who just want to date hot ladies.

We'll bring you a rundown of Johann Sebastian Bachmann's book just as soon as we get our hands on a copy. In the meantime, happy factfighting!


Candidates' Gaffes Dismay some Republicans [NYT]



I'd just like to point out that Jerry Sandusky also had the courage to follow his convictions.

And now his convictions will probably get him convicted.

Just because you really really really believe something is right / ok / not wrong doesn't make it so. No matter how hard you close your eyes and pretend it does. Otherwise I would be the High King of Ska Mountain, sitting on an Iron Throne of Skulls, worshipped by many and feared by all.