Michele Bachmann Wants You To Know She Hates Gays the Most

Future ex Presidential candidate Michele Bachmann hasn’t given up her hopeless crusade to win the White House, despite lagging dramatically behind her fellow contenders in the polls. In fact, she’s doubling down in the run up to the Iowa caucuses next week by making sure conservative Hawkeye voters know that she hates gays more than all of the other candidates.

At a stop in Council Bluffs, IA yesterday, she told supporters that she’s “100% on the side of life,” which is Tea Party dog whistle talk for “I love zygotes so much and have never ovulated.” But she really dug in on the issue of gay rights.

Just to be clear: she’s not for them. Not no way, not no how.

She criticized fellow candidate Mitt Romney, who she says signed gay marriage licenses while he was the governor of Massachusetts, thereby destroying every heterosexual marriage in the state. She was also quick to point out that kooky old bullet hoarder Ron Paul doesn’t believe that the state should interfere with marriage at all. In a race of homophobes, she’s the homophobiest.

But once again, she’s not exactly right. Ron Paul also hates— excuse me, is “personally uncomfortable, to the point where he refuses to shake hands with”—gays. In fact, his campaign has recently bragged of the support it’s received from a guy who believes that gay people should get the death penalty.

Every party that goes on for too long reaches a point where people are putting lampshades on their heads, lighting shit on fire, and reverting to a sort of anarchist Lord of the Flies style anything goes abandon. The Republican party, apparently, is no exception.