'Memba Her? She's Gone Now

Illustration for article titled 'Memba Her? She's Gone Now
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Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard officially ended her presidential run Thursday morning, a reminder to the American people that she was still in the race in the first place. She endorsed former Vice President Joe Biden, a move that must alarm Hillary Clinton, who probably still thinks Gabbard is a Russian plant. The dream of a woman of color president who dominates a white suit, deferred.


In a nearly five-minute-long video posted to her Twitter account, Gabbard said her time is best spent focusing on the “health and well-being of the people of Hawaii” and that she will be ready to serve in uniform if the Hawaii National Guard is activated in response to the covid-19 outbreak.

“After Tuesday’s election, it’s clear that Democratic primary voters have chosen Vice President Joe Biden to take on President Trump in the General Election,” Gabbard said. “I know Vice President Biden and his wife, and I’m grateful to have called his son Beau a friend who also served in the National Guard.”

She continued: “Although I may not agree with the Vice President on every issue, I know he has a good heart and he’s motivated by his love for our country and the American people. I’m confident that he will lead our country guided by the spirit of aloha, respect, and compassion, and thus help heal the divisiveness that has been tearing our country apart.”

Gabbard was the dark horse of the 2020 primary race, controversial for her soft approach to Syrian President Bashar al-Assad and Russian President Vladamir Putin and her confrontational nature during the Democratic Debates... that is, when the moderators remembered she was there. She made her biggest splash during one such debate over the summer when she confronted Senator Kamala Harris over her history as a tough on crime prosecutor. Gabbard garnered respect as a combat veteran, and was a favorite of post-debate Google searches, conservative dudebros, and the irony poisoned, but she failed to gain real traction as a candidate outside of her niche base of supporters. And in the end, Gabbard only managed to pick up two delegates in American Samoa, where she was born.

Gabbard will have to go back to doing what she’s been doing: Congressional whathaveyous and performing duets with her very hot husband.

Something tells me she’s going to be just fine!

Staff writer, mint chocolate hater.


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