Melissa Rivers is Fashion Police's Newest Host

Illustration for article titled Melissa Rivers is Fashion Police's Newest Host

This is probably what should have been done in the first place, rather than having Kathy Griffin attempt to make jokes about fashion, which she clearly does not care about: Melissa Rivers is filling the vacancy on Fashion Police left by her mother, and the show will return on Monday, August 31.


The announcement comes after a dramatic internal shake-up earlier this year, which began the second the new, Griffin-led policing panel creaked back onto the air, and ended abruptly after Giuliana Rancic, my dreaded son, said some racialist garbage about the goddess Zendaya. Kelly Osbourne quit in disgust, Griffin dipped as soon as she saw an exit, and the show was left in shambles with only my dreaded son, Melissa Rivers as executive producer, and that Brad guy who could really be anyone. (You have Brad face blindness too, right? I’m assuming everyone does.)

Melissa Rivers is, of course, not her mother, nor would anyone expect her to be, but we can assume she is cognizant of the direction her mother wanted for the show as well as anyone. I’m willing to give it a shot—but at this point, it’s a question of whether anything at all can rescue this sadly tanking enterprise. Here is a little suggestion, to raise viewership, Melissa. Free tip. End each episode by pranking Giuliana in good-natured but ever horrific ways? Culminating in like, sawing her in half at the Oscars? Or maybe you could pull off a crazy magic trick like the one in the Jesse Eisenberg vehicle Now You See Me, where you make her disappear, but instead of re-finding her behind a curtain, she ends up inside a bank vault, or a woman’s prison. Just a thought! JUST A THOUGHT!

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Has anyone missed Fashion Police? Anyone? Anyone?

I haven't.