Melania Trump Ready to 'Be Best' at Cyberbullying Summit

Illustration for article titled Melania Trump Ready to 'Be Best' at Cyberbullying Summit
Image: Getty


Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

  • Melania Trump, wife to a committed cyberbully, plans on speaking at a cyberbullying summit that I assume is anti-cyberbullying. [PBS NewsHour]
  • Former CIA director and old man John Brennan says Trump’s claims that there was no collusion with Russia are “hogwash.” [New York Times]
  • Nancy Pelosi to media: Why you so obsessed with me? [The Hill]
  • Trump’s military parade, which was first estimated to cost $12 million, apparently will run taxpayers $92 million. I have a money-saving idea: don’t do this incredibly dumb idea. You’re welcome. [CNBC]
  • Austin Clay, who is facing up to three years in prison for destroying Donald Trump’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, said it was a “rightful and just act.” Three years! For doing the Lord’s work! [Talking Points Memo]
  • Former Arizona congresswoman Gabby Giffords has endorsed New York Governor Andrew Cuomo in his reelection bid. Gabby, I would like to inform you that Cynthia Nixon also does not like guns or the NRA!!! [New York Daily News]
  • Secretary of the Interior Ryan Zinke, in an interview with Breitbart News (why), blamed “environmental terrorist groups” for increasingly destructive wildfires, and not climate change which actual scientists say is the main driver. [Washington Post]
  • Alex Jones used to have a pirate radio station but it’s been shut down by the FCC. Oops! [AP]
  • Gender-neutral bathrooms are becoming the norm in one Kansas City school district. In a reminder that inclusive design is good for everyone, one school district official noted that “students said they like these restrooms better because they are more private.” [Kansas City Star]
  • Thank you, Senate, for this entirely useless resolution that the press is not “the enemy of the people.” [Twitter/NBC Politics]
  • You know what’s worse than the Holocaust? DMV lines, according to the Republican candidate for governor in California: “You know, I met a Holocaust survivor in Long Beach. He survived concentration camps, and he said this was worse. He’s 90 years old and he had to wait four hours down in Long Beach. Can you imagine that?” I actually cannot. [Capital Public Radio]
  • So many tapes in which Donald Trump says words! The latest news in tapes comes from Tom Arnold, who told Jimmy Kimmel he’s seen footage of Trump calling his son Eric the “r-word.” [People]
  • Minnesota Representative Keith Ellison, who recently won the primary for attorney general in his state, continues to deny that he abused his former girlfriend Karen Monahan, this time getting emotional in an interview with a local television station. [The Daily Beast]
  • Georgia continues to want to close polling locations in predominantly black districts. [New York Times/AP]
  • Steven Jackson, who is running for mayor in Shreveport, Louisiana, got this in the mail: [Twitter]

Here are some tweets the president was allowed to publish today:


This has been Barf Bag.

Senior reporter, Jezebel


Muqaddimah (call me Muck)

Money is pouring into our cherished DOLLAR like rarely before

OK, so I don’t speak American. Could someone explain what the actual fuck that is supposed to mean? How does money pour into currency? I know some people “love” money, but how does one “cherish” a unit of currency? Why is the name of your American currency spelled in all caps? Can someone quantify “rarely before” for me? Is that like me saying “I satisfied a woman today like rarely before”, where it could mean pretty much anything, good or bad? Or is it a more objective thing like “rarely before has such a sodding jobby been elected to high office”? Someone please help me out!