Megyn Kelly Today, Today: Things Get a Little Ruff

Images via NBC/screengrab.
Images via NBC/screengrab.

Welcome to Megyn Kelly Today, Today, a new daily column in which we will share the most memorable things that happened on Megyn Kelly Today every morning until we are no longer able to watch Megyn Kelly Today without feeling like there will be no tomorrow.

  • Megyn Kelly walked onstage.
  • Megyn Kelly began with a new story on sexual misconduct.
  • Megyn Kelly spent the first five minutes of the show running through most of the recent accusations against powerful men in entertainment and the media.
  • Megyn Kelly welcomed attorneys Gloria Allred and Douglas Wigdor to the stage to discuss the issue further.
  • Megyn Kelly asked Douglas Wigdor, “How to we strike the balance between getting [women] to report, but still remembering that men have rights? Due process rights?”
  • Douglas Wigdor said it’s all about vetting.
  • Gloria Allred said, “You rightfully read a whole list of names of men who are being accused, there is a whole list of high profile men who are not yet accused publicly.”
  • Megyn Kelly said, “For so long we’ve just taken it.”
  • Megyn Kelly asked her audience member to raise their hand if they feel they’ve ever been sexually harassed.
  • Megyn Kelly said, “It’s been happening for so long.”
  • Gloria Allred said, “Women need to know there are risks in speaking out,” and suggested talking to a lawyer before making accusations.
  • Megyn Kelly thanked Douglas and Gloria for coming, then teased Dr. Phil’s appearance.
  • Megyn Kelly welcomed Dr. Phil to the stage.
  • A woman in the audience went nuts and joke-jumped out of her seat to him.
  • Dr. Phil said, “Don’t make me come back there!”
  • The audience laughed.
  • Megyn Kelly said that Dr. Phil’s quote, “The only difference between you and someone you envy is you settled for less,” inspired her book title, Settle for More.
  • Megyn Kelly asked Dr. Phil, “Who are the kinds of people who lie the most?”
  • Dr. Phil said, “Everybody lies...some are malignant liars, and they do them for evil reasons.”
  • Bobby Finger said, “I’m only going to give 60-70% of my attention to this particular segment, and that’s a fact.
  • Megyn Kelly and Dr. Phil spoke about catfishing.
  • Megyn Kelly imitated a spam email by saying in a robotic voice, “Needs money. Send account. Lots of love.”
  • The audience laughed.
  • Bobby Finger thought, “This ‘lots of love’ thing is getting out of control.
  • Dr. Phil’s sengment ended.
  • Megyn Kelly welcomed a woman named Hoda Hajirnia to the stage to discuss her eating disorder for today’s Secrets: Telling my Truth segment.
  • Megyn Kelly and Hoda Hajirnia spoke about eating disorders.
  • Megyn Kelly ended the segment and said,”Lots of love, thank you. Up next, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but you can teach a new dog to trick or treat!”
  • Megyn Kelly welcomed a woman named Beth Stern to the stage. She works for North Shore Animal League.
  • Beth Stern explained some popular dog costume ideas, but not before saying she doesn’t personally like dressing up her dog.
  • Bobby Finger said, “Interesting!”
  • Beth Stern said, “Dress them up for ten minutes! Take a cute picture! Post it on Instagram! Then free your dog!
  • Bobby Finger said, “Why is Beth Stern even here?”
  • “Models” came out to show off some dog Halloween costumes.
  • A woman walked out holding an adorable dog—both of them were dressed as pirates.
  • Beth Stern looked at the dog in a pirate’s hat and said, “And again, dogs do not lke things on their heads, so please come over. Let’s free her.”
  • Beth Stern once again proved she was the wrong person for this segment by removing the dog’s pirate hat costume.
  • Bobby Finger said, “I respect Beth Sten, but have no idea why she agreed to do this.”
  • Megyn Kelly said, “Coming up, is everything you’ve heard about anti-aging all wrong?”
  • Megyn Kelly Today cut to commercial, but not before zooming in on a dog that doesn’t deserve this. (See the Clip of the Day.)
  • Megyn Kelly welcomed a woman named Jenny Patinkin to talk about “flat aging,” which is about “looking and feeling your very best in real time without having to struggle with aggressive techniques.”
  • Megyn Kelly welcomed some audience members to model “flat aging” techniques.
  • Jenny Patinkin explained some eyebrow, blush techniques on two audience members whose names I didn’t catch.
  • Bobby Finger finally noticed Megyn Kelly’s blouse and shrieked, “WHAT are those sleeves?!????”
Illustration for article titled Megyn Kelly Today, Today: Things Get a Little Ruff
  • Megyn Kelly and Jenny Patinkin moved on to an audience member named Gail to discuss bronzing techniques.
  • Megyn Kelly said, “Now we’ve got Gail.”
  • Jenny Patinkin agreed and said, “Now we’ve got Gail.”
  • Gail said nothing.
  • Megyn Kelly’s theme music began playing.
  • Megyn Kelly abruptly cut to commercial without allowing Jenny Patinkin to finish her tips about highlighting.
  • Megyn Kelly returned after a commercial break and told people to visit TODAY.COM/MegynToday.
  • Megyn Kelly said, “Don’t forget it’s M-E-G-Y-N.” (Emphasis on the Y.)
  • Bobby Finger went to TODAY.COM/MeganToday just to see what would happen.
  • Bobby Finger’s browser redirected to TODAY.COM/megyn-kelly-today despite the misspelling.
  • Bobby Finger said, “Wow, NBC did something right.”
  • Megyn Kelly Today ended.

Clip of the Day: Free Her

Staff Writer, Jezebel | Man

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Ugh, that Dr. Phil quote about “settling for less.” Seems like the sort of thing only someone who hasn’t faced true, deep, ongoing adversity would say. Sometimes not reaching your dreams isn’t about “settling.” It’s about having a chronic illness that makes those particular dreams impossible, or choosing to be a caretaker for an ill or disabled loved one even if that means making different choices personally or professionally.

Yes, we can and should make the best of the cards we’re dealt, but even so, not everyone is going to end up with the kind of life that precludes envy of others. And to suggest that’s so is, IMHO, to victim-blame people who already have enough to deal with.