Especially in recent years, I’ve found that much of being a woman is logging onto the internet and immediately yearning for the sweet release of death. Case in point: the discourse around Meghan Trainor’s recent revelation that she has vaginismus, a condition that can make any vaginal penetration painful or impossible as a result of involuntary vaginal muscle spasms that effectively close the vagina. Yes, Trainor made jokes and spoke lightly of her condition and how difficult it makes sex, but the online reaction—almost entirely zeroing in on the size of her husband’s penis—has honestly made me want to drink bleach.
Trainor spoke to Trisha Paytas on her Workin’ On It podcast last week, and her comments began to resurface and make their way across the internet on Wednesday. “My husband [Daryn Sabara] is a big boy. My pussy is broken, though. I have pussy anxiety,” the singer told Paytas. She explained that her sexual struggles with her husband are “to the point where I’m like, ‘Is it all in?’ and he’s like, ‘Just the tip,’” She continued, “As he would penetrate, I would be like, ‘Ow, ow, ow,” like to the point when I was making this baby, I had to ice myself after.”
“I wish I could make Daryl smaller. It’s painful, dude,” Trainor said. At that point, she revealed to Paytas that she learned from a doctor that she struggles with vaginismus. Mount Sinai characterizes vaginismus as “a spasm of the muscles surrounding the vagina that occurs against your will” that “makes the vagina very narrow and can prevent sexual activity and medical exams.”
In other words, this is about a lot more than the size of Sabara’s penis. But you wouldn’t get that from headlines, which include, “Meghan Trainor Details ‘Painful’ Sex with ‘Big Boy’ Husband Daryl Sabara,” “Meghan Trainor Spills NSFW Details on Her Sex Life With Daryl Sabara,” “Pregnant Meghan Trainor Says She ‘Can’t Walk’ After Sex With Husband Daryl Sabara, Wishes He Was ‘Smaller,’” and “Meghan Trainor Explains What Her Husband’s Dick Looks Like.” Today is the one outlet I found that included “vaginismus” in its headline.
Amid a deluge of viral tweets speculating or joking about Trainor’s husband’s dick size, as one Twitter user pointed out, “Instead of a clickbait headline media sites like Pop Crave could have used this as an opportunity to give context and dispel myths about vaginismus, the condition that Meghan Trainor and so many women are affected by.” Another user apologized for their previous jokes about Sabara’s genitals, noting that “the headline presented it like a joke when it was a legit medical issue,” and adding, “i don’t want to be the kind of person who makes fun of medical conditions.”
Vaginismus is a medical condition with both physical and mental components that experts say can sometimes stem from surviving sexual trauma. It’s treatable—but systemic disregard for women and people with vaginas in the medical system means few affected people learn about treatments, and not many doctors know how to help them or even care about their pain. Many people never even learn about their condition, as public awareness around vaginismus—say, compared with male sexual dysfunction—is severely lacking, and the condition is mired in stigma, secrecy, and shame. Dr. Peter Pacik, a leading researcher and advocate for people struggling with vaginismus, says he’s worked with patients who suffered from severe mental health struggles as a result of vaginismus, including individuals who struggled with suicidal ideation.
Trainor’s conversation with Paytas could have been an important step toward raising awareness about vaginismus, the pain and trauma it can inflict on those affected, the disregard for those who suffer from it within the medical system, and the options available to those who have vaginismus. Instead, because this is the internet and our society chronically ignores women’s pain, all we got were dick jokes.