In a statement read this morning on Today by his former co-worker Savannah Guthrie, Matt Lauer revealed that he—like Skeet Ulrich before him—is “truly sorry” for his alleged behavior—which, in case you’re not keeping track, includes a story about him locking a woman coworker in his office, sexually assaulting her, and then sending her to a nurse after she passed out.
His outing as a powerful sexual predator and all-around Bad Man has followed the achingly familiar template outlined by our own Kelly Stout last week, right down to the apology, which reads:
“There are no words to express my sorrow and regret for the pain I have caused others by words and actions. To the people I have hurt, I am truly sorry. As I am writing this I realize the depth of the damage and disappointment I have left behind at home and at NBC.
Some of what is being said about me is untrue or mischaracterized, but there is enough truth in these stories to make me feel embarrassed and ashamed. I regret that my shame is now shared by the people I cherish dearly.
Repairing the damage will take a lot of time and soul searching and I’m committed to beginning that effort. It is now my full time job. The last two days have forced me to take a very hard look at my own troubling flaws. It’s been humbling. I am blessed to be surrounded by the people I love. I thank them for their patience and grace.
Look, I can’t imagine anything someone could say after assaulting at least one woman—and using their power to intimidate, coerce, and humiliate others—that would satisfy me. But I’ve gotta say that had Matt Lauer appeared in person on this morning’s episode of Today, put the microphone to his butt, and released a volcanic, rectum-wrecking fart, it probably wouldn’t have elicited a better reaction than these 161 words.