Massive 15 Tonne, Bus-Sized 'Fatberg' Found Lurking in London Sewers

The human capacity for creating unholy, squalid monstrosities is truly stupendous. And, everyone, I am not exaggerating when I say that we have a species have finally outdone ourselves: over in London, a group of humans has unwittingly created a private vacation island for the Rat King. It's absolutely revolting. I physically cannot think about it without throwing up in my mouth (which is just what the Rat King likes to hear).

Thames Water has uncovered "a 15 tonne bus-sized lump of rotting food and sanitary wipes in the drains beneath a road in Kingston." Take a moment to let that sentence wash over you — the way raw sanitation washes over the sewer lump. 15 tonne. Bus-sized. Lump. Rotting food. Sanitary wipes. The water authority, accordingly, has dubbed it the "fatberg."

Says Gordon Hailwood, the contracts supervisor for Thames Water:

The sewer was almost completely clogged with over 15 tonnes of fat. If we hadn’t discovered it in time, raw sewage could have started spurting out of manholes across the whole of Kingston. It was so big it damaged the sewer and repairs will take up to six weeks.


The fatberg is a creative writing exercise waiting to happen. Here are some evocative descriptions from the article: "congealed mushy deposit;" "single, congealed lump of lard;" "massive fatberg." Here are some of my own creation: "hideous deposit of filth clinging steadfastly to the bowels of the metropolis;" "vile agglomeration of stink and rot;" "shit-tampon pile." Please feel free to add your own.

"Britain's biggest ever 'fatberg' - the size of a bus and weighing 15 tonnes - found in London drain" [The Independent]

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I used to own a flat in a 1720s terraced house in London. We had a mini-fatberg problem that showed itself when we realised that there was this... stinking yellow ooze coming down our sitting room wall. After investigation by a ridiculously expensive plumber we were given the diagnosis: at least 90 years' worth of accreted fat in our pipes. Given that the house had been a teashop for a few years in the 1930s, we had even more than our fair share, what with the pastries being cooked in there.

Guys, my house was weeping ancient fat. Holy mother of god, it was NASTY. We just threw a lot of money at it to make it go away. You do not want the Fatberg.