Marjorie Taylor Greene Delivers Rousing Speech About Butt Plugs

I spent my Saturday night making homemade nachos and catching up on White Lotus Season 2, which is watchable but not as good as Season 1. Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Ga.) spent hers on stage at the New York Young Republicans Club gala, announcing to a room full of people in fancy dresses that butt plugs are now on sale at Target and CVS.

Unfortunately, it was not a joke about all of those people being assholes, which might have been a funny thing to say while accepting an award from them. It was part of a transphobic rant about grooming, or something, because trans people are definitely sneaking butt plugs onto the shelves of CVS right next to the NyQuil to trick the whole world into being gay. One look at a dildo and that’s it, you’re getting forced into a same sex marriage the next day, regardless of your sexual preferences.

But seriously, why is Greene suddenly going off about butt plugs? Did she go to Target to pick up toothpaste and happen to notice a butt plug on aisle five that sent her into a moral tailspin? No! She has no original thoughts. This is a thing she saw on Tucker Carlson’s show earlier this week, wherein FOX’s butt plug correspondent spelled out in detail the cost of a buzzy butt, tush cush, and accompanying lotion at CVS—because the ease of buying sex toys in this country is absolutely a bigger crisis than the ease of buying an AR-15.

The Tucker Carlson-segment-to-Marjorie-Taylor-Greene-speech pipeline is well trodden, but her willingness to completely humiliate herself in service of him is always infinity times funnier than her actual punchlines, which last night also included this one: “They care about a country called Ukraine whose borders are far away and most of you couldn’t find it on a map.” While it is probably true that neither Greene nor anyone in that room can find Ukraine on a map, that’s really not the burn on Democrats that she thinks it is.

Anyway, I’d like to think MTG’s inadvertent plug for butt plugs and dildos at Target led to a really fun night for everyone in attendance at that gala. She finally did something useful.