Mariah Carey Is, in Her Own Words, 'Literally Incapable of Being in the Real World'

Image via Giphy.

Mariah Carey is a real person. She is a sentient human woman with a fully functioning body and mind. She can move around in physical space with relative ease. She can express herself through song and non-verbal communication. She feels love. She feels loss. She knows her. She doesn’t know her. She lives on the same planet (Earth) where you and I reside.


But even though Mariah Carey is one of us (by which I mean she’s human), she does not live in the “real world” you and I inhabit. And expecting you to understand her life is as silly as expecting her to understand your life. She doesn’t KNOW you. She doesn’t GET you. And she will NOT pretend otherwise.

In an interview with Rolling Stone, the Elusive Chanteuse was asked about her legendary New Year’s Eve performance for the millionth time, and had this to say (bold mine):

It’s just something where if I can’t explain it to the entire world, then they’re not going to understand it, because it’s not what they do. Just like I wouldn’t understand somebody who had a desk job and how to do that. I couldn’t. I literally am incapable of being in the real world and surviving.

I get you, Mariah. I mean, I don’t, but you know. Sort of.

[Page Six]

Speaking of people who don’t get Mariah Carey, The National Enquirer is reportedly running a story about her ex-husband Nick Cannon’s alleged “nervous breakdown” in an upcoming issue, along with claims that Carey “plans to take full custody of their twins.”

Cannon’s response?


All of this seems totally chill and fine.


The next few months of George Clooney talking about Amal’s pregnancy may destroy me. And if they don’t, years of him talking about being a father will. Here he is (talking to a magazine called Paris Match???) on their decision to stop traveling to “dangerous” places:

“We decided to be much more responsible, to avoid the danger. I won’t go to South Sudan anymore or the Congo, Amal will no longer go to Iraq and she’ll avoid places where she knows she isn’t welcome.”


There’s also this:

“People think we are never together, but we have not been separated for more than a week.”

Image via Fox.
Image via Fox.

[Us Weekly]

  • Kim Kardashian’s reps on rumors of a new sex tape: “It’s not new – it’s the same old sex tape.” [Page Six]
  • Jamie Foxx was accosted in Croatia. [Hollywood Life]
  • Julie Andrews almost died!!!!!! [while filming Mary Poppins.] [Fox News]
  • I think Cindy Adams has a huge crush on Max Irons. [Page Six]
  • “I’ve nothing to hide.” - Tom Hiddleston, hiding something [Celebitchy]
  • Click this. [Lainey Gossip]
  • Don’t click this. [YouTube]

Staff Writer, Jezebel | Man


thunderbae (a straight shooter, respected on all sides)

Honestly, same, Mariah, but also not the same because I don’t have that option of not being in the real world and not surviving? I guess I do, but I don’t want to pull that lever yet. So I guess I don’t get Mariah, actually.

I’m starting to believe 50% of all internet traffic about Tom Hiddleston is coming from Tom Hiddleston. The man is not just thirsty for fame, he is parched, he is as arid as the Sahara, as dry as the Gobi.

I love it.