Mariah Carey Is Back (on a Peloton) to Capitalize on Your Holiday Cheer

If you saw a video of a wicked witch cackling on a Peloton on Tuesday, it wasn’t a promo for Elphaba’s groundbreaking turn in the Broadway production of Wicked; it was Mariah Carey’s declaring that her most profitable season, Christmas, has begun, much like Punxsutawney Phil has the power to declare it Spring.

I had hardly rolled out of my Halloween costume when I heard that signature Mariah whistle tone singing, “It’s tiiiiiiiiime!” in the wee hours of November 1.

On Tuesday, according to Popcrave, Carey’s iconic Yuletide love song “All I Want For Christmas Is You” made its 2022 debut on the global Spotify chart, landing at #96 with over 1.2 million streams…53 days out from the actual holiday. The song, which debuted in 1994, is nearly 30 years old. But as they say, your 30s are the new 20s, and it seems Carey is more than happy to mine every last ounce of holiday cheer out of her megahit until death do them part.

Technically, Carey started exploiting I mean promoting the Christmas spirit on October 8th with a Christmas-themed Fox Soccer promo. The next day, she followed that cameo up with the announcement of her latest children’s book, The Christmas Princess. Later that month—still the spooky season, might I add—she announced a run of December performances in Toronto and at Madison Square Garden in New York. And given that last year, she created an entire Mariah Menu with McDonald’s, we should expect more promos, products, and toys to come. For Mariah Carey, it seems the entire year is likely spent waiting to deck the internet halls with boughs of Mimi.

I will say, Carey’s team has gotten more and more creative each year, starting earlier and earlier and making sure audiences know that just like Uncle Sam, white nationalists, and constitutional literalists own the Fourth of July, Mimi owns Christmas and the entire back sixth of the yearly calendar. And according to Forbes, that strategy is a winning one: A 2016 study conducted by The Economist said Miss “Butterfly” makes $2.5 million per year off the song alone.

My only wish is that Mimi might let the Jews in on a little of her eternal fountain of Christmas adoration. “All I Want for Hanukkah Is You” has a nice little jingle to it, no?

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