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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

Mariah Carey Has Decreed The Christmas Season May Officially Commence

Christmastime is now, says Carey and her candy cane bat.

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Hear ye, hear ye, the most noble Duchess of December, Mariah Carey, hath henceforth decreed that on this day, the 1st of November, the peasants of the land are free by her highness’s leave to begin the celebrations of Yule! May there be merriment and many whistle notes across the land.

If ye be wondering, what about Thanksgiving, then ye be not worthy of the Yuletide blessings of the Duchess and must be punished. Not a single sleigh bell shall toll for thee and thou shalt be cast into the darkness of the Naughty List. Thus ends this royal decree.

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