Marcus Bachmann, who we know and love as Nonpresident Michele Bachmann's better half, has thrown down the gauntlet in a flame war with the First Lady. Oh, it is on like the deleted fascinator showdown scene from Paris is Burning.

The part time curer of homosexuals told a crowd at a campaign stop that if Michele's elected President, he'll make his focus as First Matey be promoting a pro-family, pro-life, pro-marriage campaign. So, lots of beige and as little glitter as possible. Absolutely no glitter. But that's not where he stepped on some MObama toes. He kicked off his proclamation by insisting that his "cause is not going to be Happy Meals," a dig on Michelle Obama's pro-nutrition and health push.

So, let me get this straight: Marcus Bachmann thinks that promoting health is silly, and that instead, the First Family should be focused on encouraging reproduction between people with opposite genitals? And then forcing the resultant offspring to hang out around their parents, just growin' up Christian and straight and maybe taking Christmas photos with any zygotes laying around? And does he know that First Ladies don't get elected?

Marcus Bachmann, you mysterious, wonderful scamp. You are a treasure.

Marcus Bachmann Outlines 'First Spouse' Agenda [NYT]