Marco Rubio Is Chill With Muslims, But Only if They Want to Convert to Christianity

Illustration for article titled Marco Rubio Is Chill With Muslims, But Only if They Want to Convert to Christianity

Poor Robo-Rubio got fed the wrong algorithm at tonight’s umpteenth GOP debate tonight—one that can only be described as a horrific mix between a socially-progressive hashtag (yay!) and a tweet from an evangelical mom (honey, no).


In response to a completely unfounded comment made by Donald “Carnie Hands” Trump about “a lot of” Muslims hating America, Rubio and his SJW-welling Grinch heart decided to speak out. In an attempt to take a stance against the possible Garfield impersonator, the GOP hopeful proceeded to explain that Muslims are, to paraphrase, “v chill brah”—but only the ones that are ripe to convert to Christianity, who will serve and die in our military, or Muslims who, as Vox notes, we should be nice to “because it’s tactically advantageous” for our political means. This is what coded language was made for, apparently.

Here’s Rubio’s statement in full:

“I know that a lot of people find appeal in the things Donald says, because he says what people wish they could say. The problem is presidents can’t just say anything they want. It has consequences — here and around the world.

And so let me give you one: Two days ago, I met this extraordinary couple who are on furlough because they are missionaries in Bangladesh. It’s a very tough place to be a missionary. It’s Muslim. And their safety and security very much relies upon friendly Muslims that live alongside them — that may not convert but protect them and certainly look out for them. And their mission field really are Muslims that are looking to convert to Christianity as well. And they tell me that today they have a very hostile environment in which to operate in because the news is coming out that in America leading political figures are saying that America doesn’t like Muslims.

So this is a real impact. There is no doubt that radical Islam is a danger in the world.

I can also tell you that if you go to any national cemetery, especially Arlington, you’re gonna see crescent moons there. If you go anywhere in the world you’re going see American men and women serving us in uniform that are Muslims. And they love America. And as far as I know, no one on this stage has served in uniform in the United States military. Anyone out there that has the uniform of the United States on and is willing to die for this country is someone that loves America — no matter what their religious background may be.”

So close, iRobot Rubio. So close.

Contact the author at

Image via Getty.


chritter is a nocturnal feminist mancatfish

Rubio talks about Muslims like they’re bears.

“Sure, some are friendly, like Yogi and Gentle Ben. But I have these friends who are living in Jellystone, and you, Trump, are just making things worse by angering up the local bears!”