March Madness Sweet Sixteen Revealed: Tupac and Biggie Got That China White

Hello sports fans! March Madness dribbles on. There was blood on the court yesterday: MTV absolutely slaughtered Ms. Pacman with 82% of the votes, and Team Grunge put a beat down on poor old Macaulay Culkin, winning 74% of the votes. Pour some out for the fallen homies real quick, and then move on: We’ve got our Sweet Sixteen now and more games to play!

So. Today in the ’80s amphitheater, Cocaine is up against Debbie Gibson and Tiffany. All the competitors are white and peppy, but Cocaine is ranked at number one for a reason: It’s got an edge. Enjoyed worldwide and not just in shopping malls. Children behave! Sing it with me now: Ooh, I know what you’re thinking… I see it in your eyes. You want to give cocaine another try… Then again, there’s a ton of power in those five simple words: I think we’re alone now.

Meanwhile, things are getting downright dangerous in the ’90s stadium. East Coast vs. West Coast Rap is rolling down its tinted windows, pulling out a gat and aiming right for TRL. But you never know… perhaps the sheer raw force of teens screaming in Carson Daly’s direction can deflect the bullets?