Well, it was kind of inevitable, wasn’t it?
First of all, a most HEARTY of goodbyes to Memes, the Cinderella that Prince Charming decided he just wasn’t that into. BACK TO THE SCULLERY, MEMES. NOBODY KNOWS HOW YOU MADE IT THIS FAR.
We’re also bidding adieu to Binge-Watching, which, you know, ditto. And that brings us to our remaining two seeds in the IRL vs. Internet competition, who are both currently hydrating and doing some final stretches at their respective corners of the ring. Two valiant fighters, two stalwart representatives of competing lifestyle choices, are about to duel to the death.
That's right: It's Sex vs. Netflix.
Geez-oh-man, what a choice. This is tough. This is wretched. This is a nail-biter. Do you think it's weird that I bookended a classic Boyz II Men sex jam with a preview for The Fall? Do you think my addled wits might be conflating the concept of lovemaking with the concept of a serial killer as played by Jamie Dornan? Well, newsflash, I don't care what you think, and Paul Specter can literally kill me whenever!!!!! March Madness is real!!!!!!!!
Anyway, what'll it be—pleasure for your privates, or pleasure for your brain? TRICK QUESTION ALL PLEASURE IS IN THE BRAIN. But you still have to choose. You can do both of these things with a romantic partner, but only one of these things will give you something to talk about on a boring date. And only one of these things will (maybe, not always, hey) give you an orgasm.
I can't put this off any longer, dear voters. It's time to make your mark on history. IT'S TIME TO DECIDE: SEX, OR NETFLIX?
Make. This. Count. Here is your updated bracket, you have 24 hours to vote.