Man Planned To Kill Ex While Wearing Bear Suit

Clyde Gardner wanted to murder his ex-girlfriend. So he devised a foolproof plan: dress up as a bear.

According to the AP, Gardner wanted to a) catch a bear, b) skin it, c) get inside the skin, d) maul his ex to death using the bear’s claws, and e) escape without a trace, because the only footprints left at the scene would be the bear’s. Then, in a shocking moment of insight, he decided this was a bad plan. So hired a hit man to kill her instead. Since he was “an experienced demolition derby driver,” he told the guy to run her car down, and explained how to make it look accidental. Instead, his would-be hit man went to the police, and now Gardner’s been sentenced to five to fifteen years in prison.

There are a lot of bizarre things about this case, but I think my favorite is Gardner’s claim that he only wanted to kill his ex because he was drunk, and he totally would have called the whole thing off when he got sober. Because he definitely sounds like the kind of guy who is ordinarily really sane. And for those who weren’t sufficiently disgusted by the story itself, Taiwanese animators are already on the case, producing one of their oddest and most upsetting segments ever.