Machine Gun Kelly, Megan Fox, and the Case of the Rotting Tongue

Illustration for article titled Machine Gun Kelly, Megan Fox, and the Case of the Rotting Tongue
Photo: Rich Fury (Getty Images)

In case you have forgotten, Machine Gun Kelly and Megan Fox are dating. But not just dating—they are in the constant-PDA-honeymoon stage of their relationship, which was on full display Sunday night at the Billboard Music Awards. The couple looked absolutely gorgeous in their black cocktail attire but perhaps MGK took the theme a little too far?

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In the many, many photos of MGK sticking his tongue out and at one point shoving it into Fox’s gob, his black tongue, which matched his suit was a distraction more than it was a playful gimmick. What the hell piece of candy was this man rolling around in his mouth to achieve such a color payout on his tongue and yet have no black on his teeth? Is he launching tongue makeup? Or, knowing how over the top these two enjoy being, I bet that this black film over MGK’s tongue is some sort of next-level sex toy that provides a pleasurable sensation to Fox when he’s going down. Maybe they’re about to be billionaires off this new tongue technology.

Most likely it was probably just some really good licorice. Either way, put that shit back in your mouth sir, there are children present.


Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck were spotted together in Miami over the weekend with paparazzi snapping a photo of the two of them leaving a house together, Lopez grinning from ear to ear. Were this a normal couple, such a simple event would not merit attention. However, this is the potential rise of Bennifer 2.0 and the location is extremely important in the grand scheme of stories we will tell our children.

You see, Alex Rodriguez is from Miami—this is his town, even though everyone there kind of hates him because he besmirched his good name by using steroids and is generally a dickhead. So the fact that J.Lo is taking her new old man to Miami isn’t just a casual baecation, it is a statement.

The jury is still out on whether or not A-Rod and J.Lo broke up because he is a cheater and a cornball but J.Lo’s camp made it clear several press cycles ago that she had lost trust in A-Rod after rumors spread that he’d been unfaithful. This Miami trip is essentially Bennifer pissing on their new territory and reminding ARod that he is the true loser in this situation. Of course, J.Lo is wrong about that because the real loser here is me, the person devoting brain cells to conspiracy theories about a relationship that may turn out to be fake after all!

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  • Taika Waititi, Rita Ora, and Tessa Thompson are having a great time in the new mask-free world. [Twitter]
  • Thank the heavens above, Justin Bieber got rid of his “dreadlocks.” [TMZ]
  • Sunday, Pink was presented with the Icon award at the Billboard Music Awards where she opened her performance with her equally iconic daughter, Willow. [Vulture]
  • Speaking of children, Drake brought his son Adonis, the one he kept hidden and wrote half an album about why, to the BBMAs. [People]
  • May 23rd is now Born This Way Day in West Hollywood, in commemoration of Lady Gaga’s best album. [People]

DISCUSSION

janetsnakehole73
Janet Snakehole37

Anyone else sensing that Bennifer 2.0 is a publicity relationship? She just got cheated on, his struggles with alcohol and infidelities towards JGarner are well documented....idk you guys. Its the cynic in me.

Speaking of cynicism, Megan Fox might be going thru the worst midlife crisis since Johnny Depp. What in the world is this show they are putting on? Its almost as if she’s doing this on purpose to piss of her ex husband. Same with Courtney & Travis.

I wanna be hopeful but damn....