Louis C.K. Says He Supports Hillary Because She's a 'Tough Bitch Mother'

Louis C.K. has been vocal about his dislike of Trump since at least March, and now he’s speaking out for Hillary Clinton, less than one week before the election.

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The comedian made an appearance on Conan Tuesday night, and Conan got right to the point and asked who he planned to vote for. To Louis C.K.’s credit, he doesn’t hesitate to say he’s voting for Clinton, and not just because she’s the lesser of two evils. C.K. claims that he’d vote for Clinton over anybody, saying, “I think she’s super smart. It’s really exciting to have the first mother in the White House. It’s not about the first woman, it’s about the first mom.”

Wait, what? He expanded: “A mother just does it. She feeds you and teaches you, she protects you, she takes care of shit. We’ve had 240 years of fathers. Bald father, fat father, every kind of father... a great father can give a kid 40 percent of his needs, top. Any mother, just a shit mother, just a not even trying mother: 200 percent.”

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Louis C.K. frequently expounds on the power of womankind (while also being chased by persistent sexual harassment rumors), but like many semi-comedic takes on gender dynamics from a man, the message is a bit confusing. For example, he thinks Donald Trump tries to make everybody pay whenever he feels insulted, but Hillary Clinton moves past insults. That’s good, because Louis C.K.’s compliments sound pretty insulting:

We need somebody who can take abuse. Hillary Clinton can take abuse. She’s been taking it and taking it. We’ve been hazing her, we’ve been holding her down and spitting in her mouth and yelling at her, and she just keeps working!

...

I don’t want somebody who’s likeable and cool anymore. We need a two-faced, conniving, crazy, just somebody who’s got a million schemes. By the way every email she’s ever wrote is in the newspapers and she’s not in jail which is amazing. We need just a tough bitch mother who nobody likes. If you vote for Hillary, you’re a grown-up. If you vote for Trump, you’re a sucker. If you don’t vote for anybody, you’re an asshole.

In summation, Louis C.K. is stanning for Hillary Clinton but also maybe thinks she’s his mom and is crazy and will wipe his butt. This is democracy, people.

Contributing Writer, writing my first book for the Dial Press called The Lonely Hunter, follow me on Twitter @alutkin

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DISCUSSION

omgponies-at
OMG!PONIES!

My mom did criminal defense for 25 years in DC. She would regularly be called a bitch to her face by prosecutors.

And she owned it.

She regularly referred to herself as a “bitch on wheels.”

Look at every “argument” against Hillary - that she’s sneaky or that she’s conniving or scheming or cold and calculated or always plotting. Guess what...

I’d like someone who is sly, cold and calculating, sneaky, and always planning and plotting working on behalf of America on the global political stage. As Trump points out frequently, Russia isn’t playing beanbags. I’d like someone with the intellectual and strategic heft to go 15 rounds with Putin. Actually, I’d like someone who could take out Putin in the first round.

And that person sure as shit isn’t Trump.

It’s the woman who has been called a conniving bitch for the past half century.

I don’t give a fuck whether or not I “like” Hillary. I’m not going to share a beer with her. I never had a beer with Obama or Clinton or either President Bush. That “likable” bullshit is just that - bullshit.

I want a bitch on wheels who is going to make life hard for every country around the world that works contrary to America’s interests. I want a bitch on wheels who keeps dictators and strongmen up at night. I want a bitch on wheels who makes sure that the phrase “Fucking Hillary Clinton!” is a curse that is always in Putin’s mouth.