Loser Grownup Ruins Kids' Texting Fun

Ryan Jones has created an online slang dictionary to help parents harsh kids’ texting buzz. But the best part is his list of words he refused to include. Zvag, anyone?

Sandymaple of Strollerderby writes that Jones “has now made it his mission to help parents detect when their kids are texting about the two things they worry about most: Sex and drugs.” But his site noslang has some omissions, because “some of the texting slang he comes across is so disgusting that he can’t bring himself to include it in his online dictionary.” Yes, Jones swoons away at the sight of the words “dirty sanchez” (or however the kids are abbreviating that these days), but have no fear — those terms deemed unworthy of his handy-dandy translator are still compiled in a helpful list for those less faint of heart. Below, some of the best:

zvag – a term meaning ultra emo. One step above normal Emo. [Ed. how do you say this? Vadge?]

tsiof – the sky is on fire

iaof – I am on fire

tthsatatst – Trying to have sex and type at the same time [a different form of sexting?]

rofep – rolling on the floor eating pie [unsanitary]

roflkmita – rolling on floor kicking myself in the ass [difficult]

afret – air force retired [should teens really be texting with retired Air Force vets?]

ihaafogaidkwtdbikicttociwroms – i have an ass full of goblins and i dont know what to do but i know i cant take them out cuz it will rip out my spleen

ybatrstydosmbfhd – you better add this random sentence to your dictionary or suck my big fat hairy dick

alaittrwl – At least add it to the rejected words list.

Say what you want about Ryan Jones, he’s nothing if not thorough.

Do You Know What Your Kids Are Texting? [Strollerderby]
Rejected Words List [Noslang]