Lori Loughlin Is Forbidden From Playing Lori Loughlin in the Lifetime Movie Definitely Not Based on Lori Loughlin

Illustration for article titled Lori Loughlin Is Forbidden From Playing Lori Loughlin in the Lifetime Movie Definitely Not Based on Lori Loughlin
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Cheating never pays—especially when it prevents you from starring as yourself in a Lifetime drama based on your downfall and public humiliation! According to The Blast, Lori Loughlin and Felicity Huffman “are unfortunately not being considered for two starring roles they were born to play.” Per the outlet:

Even though many would think Loughlin and Huffman would be a shoe-in, especially since they don’t have any projects lined up, sources close to production tell us the two women are not being considered for the starring roles [...] as the former “Fuller House” star may be busy serving out a sentence if she’s convicted of paying $500,000 in bribes to get her two daughters into USC under false circumstances.


Sad! I can only imagine Lori Loughlin lazily pacing the halls of her expansive estate while she awaits the casting news that will never come. Maybe Olivia Jade will eventually return her calls! Maybe the cast of Fuller House might return the assorted casserole dishes she lent them before the holidays come. Maybe she can step foot in a Target soon without the racks of discounted Mossimo swimwear reminding her of a time before life got so complicated. Maybe, she prays, her pacing will wear a hole in her mansion’s tiled floor that reaches to the bottom of the Earth itself. And maybe, just maybe, she can figure out how to work the Apple TV so she can watch someone else live out her ruination. [The Blast]

Close your eyes. Imagine the smell of leather bracelets, motorcycle exhaust fumes, and American Crew pomade. It wafts past your casual dinner date, where you’ve been pensively examining the bottom of a cocktail glass while the man across from you drones on about marketing. Looking up, you see a sight that stuns you. Your first thought? “I have to tell Page Six.” You fumble for your phone and rapidly fire off an email:

“Antoni walked in and they bro hugged,” said a spy.

Tipsters spotted Queer Eye’s Antoni Porowski “bro-hugging” with Justin Theroux at the opening of the actor’s new “dive bar” Ray’s. His campaign to muscle-tee his way into the daily lives of the Fab Five continue, noteworthy for reasons I can’t muster the brainpower to imagine. Instead, I’m haunted by the phantom image of a distraught Jennifer Aniston existing in any proximity to this place. Seen below, I have one question for Theroux: An American flag hanging from the ceiling against cheap wood paneling? In this climate? [Page Six]

  • Wendy Williams is producing her own biopic. [Page Six]
  • Busy Phillips has adopted chunky jewelry into her summer rotation. [Just Jared]
  • Leonardo DiCaprio continues his work filling the lecherous boat shoes of Jack Nicholson. [People]
  • Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin were spotted haunting a sushi restaurant. [Just Jared]
  • Bindi Irwin, someone that you remember and have fond memories of, is now engaged. [Us Weekly]
  • Have you seen Ashton Kutcher’s new mustache? [Just Jared]



Am I the only one who thinks Justin Theroux is the try hardiest person to ever try hard?  I get that he is attractive but its like he’s always trying so hard to be cool that it makes me bleh.