A reporter from the News Zealand site Newshub has conducted an extremely thorough investigation into an Instagram review account for onion rings, @onionringsworldwide, deducing that it might be Lorde’s.
While there has been no official confirmation the account was hers, reporter Anna Bracewell-Worrall has a good amount of digital evidence. And in an unfortunate move for us all, the account was abruptly shut down after the outlet approached Lorde’s management about it.
@onionringsworldwide only had 24 followers before it shut down, one of whom was Lorde. The rings reviewed also matched up to locations where she was currently touring (one ring, eaten from traveling to Tennessee to New York, was consumed right around when Lorde was playing at Bonnaroo.) And even though most of the posts seem to be based in the US, the onion ring critic spells the word “flavour” with a U, just like a Kiwi.
And as for the reviews? Stunning.
Gowings Bar & Grill at the QT Hotel, Sydney. This was a breaded red onion ring. Bit of a heavy, dry mouth feel. 2/5.
Tempura onion ring eaten ceremoniously on plane from Tennessee to New York. Very good-thick., sweet onion and delicious chewy batter. Served with a slightly spicy (totally non-traditional) sauce. 4.5/5.
From the service stop Burger King near Hatfield. I didn’t actually know Burger King did onion rings, and good thing I didn’t because they are not good. Characteristics were a mulched onion filling with a distinct bitterness. 1/5.
Lorde, if this is your account, PLEASE come back to reviewing onion rings, I beg you. I see a bright future ahead of you in food criticism if you would ever like to leave music behind.