Look Out, Heathens: Sarah Palin Is Writing a Book on Christmas

Looks like Christmas has come early! Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska and VP candidate, is working on a new book about the December Christian holiday and the Godless pagans who keep trying to destroy it. (Hiiiiiii!)

In a statement made through her publisher, Palin announced:

“Amidst the fragility of this politically correct era, it is imperative that we stand up for our beliefs before the element of faith in a glorious and traditional holiday like Christmas is marginalized and ignored. This will be a fun, festive, thought provoking book, which will encourage all to see what is possible when we unite in defense of our faith and ignore the politically correct Scrooges who would rather take Christ out of Christmas.”

See? It’s just a fun, festive, thought-provoking book for fun, festive, thought-provoking people who want to celebrate the glorious holiday of Christmas in peace. It’s not for the Scrooges out there who may have actually read A Christmas Carol and noticed that accepting the joy of Christmas into your heart actually leads to becoming super liberal and giving a ton of shit to the poor.

Palin’s book, which will criticize the “over-commercialism” and “homogenization” of Christmas, will be called A Happy Holiday IS a Merry Christmas and will be out in November of this year. Alternate titles include Persecution Complex: A Step-by-Step Guide to Feigning Victimhood and Hanukkah IS Christmas (for People Who Go to Hell).