Linda Hirshman Won't Let Domestic Abuse Victims Off The Hook
A week ago, Linda Hirshman asked and then “answered” the question, “Why do women stay in abusive relationships?” by suggesting they’re too weak to leave. Now she’s not too keen on blogger Hilzoy’s impassioned dissent.
(As an aside, in her fit of pique, Linda Hirshman saw fit to unmask Hilzoy’s real-life identity. Having contacted Hilzoy to ascertain whether it was okay to do so and having been asked not to, we will continue to refer to her by her nom de plume in the following piece and ask that our readers do so in our comments. We’ve been informed that Slate editors refused Hilzoy’s request to redact her name.)
Linda Hirshman’s initial thesis was that the personal is political and that, as feminists, we were somehow doing individual victims a disservice by not asking them why they were not leaving their abusers, or by not castigating them for doing so. Hirshman was not suggesting that, as a society, we needed to reflect on the social and political pressures that contribute to women staying in abusive relationships and as feminists question how we change that — nor, more strikingly, was she advocating that, as feminists, our focus should be on ending the cycle of violence that contributes to domestic abuse or people feeling that domestic abuse is appropriate. Her thesis was simple: if women are feminists, they should have the insight and political will to leave abusive relationships. No where was this thesis more evident than in this statement:
The current love affair with understanding stops feminists from calling victims on taking responsibility for their own well-being. For centuries, Western culture has assumed that, no matter how “kind” they are, given adequate information, people can be trusted to look after themselves.
In other words, by suggesting that there might be more at play in domestic violence situations than a front door to hit one’s ass on the way out, feminists (unlike Hirshman) are coddling victims who should either leave on their own or be castigated for not doing so.
Blogger and former women’s shelter worker Hilzoy took exception to that, and made an honest effort to answer Hirshman’s question of why women don’t leave, explaining the often-psychological forces that often come into play in abusive situations to make individuals feel themselves incapable of leaving. Underlying her piece was one fundamental thesis: that the best thing that feminists (or anyone) can do is help the victim leave the situation. At the end of the day, whereas the personal may be political and there are tons of political things we all might be able to do to prevent abuse, prevent victims from feeling that they deserve abuse and to create resources to help them help themselves, the important thing is to help victims leave their abusers safely. And that, if that is your goal, castigating victims as weak, or insufficiently committed to feminism, or in charge of their own destinies simply isn’t helpful.
Hirshman took exception to Hilzoy’s well-reasoned piece — and to my response piece, which she called “less articulate” than Hilzoy’s. (I am given to understand that is an insult but it’s one with which I happen to agree, as Hilzoy’s piece was a powerful blend of the personal, the political and the reality of the situation and I felt smarter for having read it, unlike anything I’ve read by Linda Hirshman.) Hirshman instead co-opts Hilzoy’s story to attempt to prove her own original thesis: that “good” feminists would just leave.
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