Like Me, These Birds Are Drunk and Destroying Things

Someone call these birds a cab!
Someone call these birds a cab!
Image: Getty

Drunk birds are on the rise because honestly this has been a really hard year and they just need to let loose.


What’s their poison? Berries, berries that have fermented earlier than usual because of premature frost. That, combined with changes in bird migration, have led to drunk birds in large numbers wreaking havoc on Gilbert, Minnesota.

They’re “flying into windows, cars, and acting confused,” according to local authorities.

More from the New York Daily News:

Gilbert Police Chief Ty Techar said hundreds of drunk birds have been seen and it’s been “nonstop” in the last week or two.

“A lot of people have been taking boxes with holes in them and making a portable detox facility with water,” he explained.

The birds usually sober up within an hour and are good to go, officials say.

I say, give these birds a break! They are doing the best they can. I commend them, actually, for all the shit they’ve had to put up with this year, and never judge them for what they choose to do during their spare time.

Senior Writer, Jezebel


The Noble Renard

All I’m saying is that birbs deserve the right to get drunk.